Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability
1) How often do you see your friends in person?
Depends on the friends and where they live. My local friends and I get together every weekend when possible. My friends slightly out of town I see about once a month. Friends WAY out of town I see about once a year.
2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
Texting is my preferred method of communication and my local friends and I text often. Less frequently for those farther away from me.
3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
Always and of course….or they are invited along when the plans are not considered “adult” only plans.
4) Are finances a consideration?
Always and of course…I have no problem go to folks who can’t come to me because of this issue.
5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
Always and of course…it’s always discussed to accommodate.
6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
All my friends, as well as myself, have a career or school going on so sometimes planning gets a little more complicated.
7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
Yes and both
Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values
1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I think people make WAY too much of these friendships and ALWAYS…let me repeat that ALWAYS assume that there MUST be something more involved when actually there isn’t. It really bothers me that folks do that. I am butch and have a lot of femme friends…friendship being the ONLY motivating factor in our time spent together.
2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
Of course…this is my choice to make not theirs. And this road goes both ways. I won’t always like my partner’s friends and I don’t have to. The adult thing to do is just get along with each other and be nice.
3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
Dishonesty and gossip can facilitate the killing friendships…I’ll leave it at that.
4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.
See above answer.
5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
If it’s affecting someone I love or me then I won’t keep quiet. Speaking up may not change things but it would be a complete disservice to me and those I love to not say anything. I took off the Superman cape years ago. The only person I can save/change is me.
6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
See above answer.
7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
Leave it alone. We are human and things like this happen. We are not required to act on EVERYTHING we feel….just sayin. My actions define me and home wrecker is not an acceptable action in my world nor an acceptable definition of me.
8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
I always like to test the waters first to see if it’s mutual. If it’s not then I am more than ok with continuing to foster a really great friendship.
9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
Depends...somethings are just not that important when it comes right down to it.
10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.
Many of the folks I used to hang out with when I lived in the Midwest have gone their own ways and we have lost touch.
11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?
My oldest friend is a guy I grew up with and went to high school with. We don’t talk often anymore but manage a nice drive by “hi” occassionaly…22 years of friendship.
12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?
I do and it all depends on why it ended, how it ended and the strength and maturity of the people involved.
13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
Not my gig but have nothing against those that like those kind of friendships.
14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
The only difference is the deeper sense of commitment formed with a romantic partner.
15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
Being there for someone who voluntarily entered a Psych hospital. Spent a lot of days there and saw a completely different person walk out. I love it when good things like that happen.
16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.
My friend Tim (no longer walking in this world) who supported me when I was at a low point financially in my life.
17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?
Dishonesty and distrust…in any form.
18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
We are perfectly imperfect…let’s pick our battles eh?
Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:
1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? Not
2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? Not
3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? Not
4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? Zealots need not apply
5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? Not
6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? Not
7) …your small or adult children like your friends? Don’t have any can’t answer that
8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? See above answer
Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?
1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.
Fun
2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
Fun
3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater
Fun
4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else
Fun
5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
Fun
6) Participating in team sports
Fun
7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)
Fun
8) Shopping
Eh…not so much
9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants
Fun
Although I tend to be the designated taster/dishwaser
10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
Fun
11) Other – Whatever else we have in common… Fun
Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?
BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way? Completely had no idea so I guess not