[laruss]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?
I have a lot of friends and I see someone almost every day.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
Many times a day. Text is the most common, but for deeper conversations if we can't get together we phone or skype

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
Only a few of my friends have kids, and we usually do something that includes them. My kids are grown now so it isn't an issue for me.

4) Are finances a consideration?
Everyone has different financial situations, I do different things with different friends

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
I have friends with different health issues from allergies to brain tumors that put them in a wheel chair. We always accommodate whatever the situation

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
Not right now as I work from home, but when I was in Corporate it really was an issue as I lived for my job. But in saying that, I am on a number of different boards, I have my own work to do, I take classes and I have so many friends that I schedule almost everything. I love to be spontaneous, but only where I have a break in my schedule or if an opening comes up.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
I have some friends who will never step in last minute and I have others who love too. Depending on my schedule I will definitely, if available.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I think anyone can be friends, it doesn't matter what you identify as.

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
I definitely would, but I would work on the why's of the dislike. Jealousy doesn't fly with me so that wouldn't be acceptable from my partner, but if they had a valid reason to dislike I would examine my friendship. But I have learned a valuable lesson... If most of your friends don't like your partner, you should reexamine your relationship with your partner. I have many close friends and I value their opinion immensely.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
I can't really think of a time someone cut me off, but I have had many friendships run their course. I strongly believe that people are brought into your life for a reason and they will leave when that purpose is fulfilled. I may miss them, but I understand. Life is ever evolving.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.
I had a friend through high school and when I got married and had kids she was going through a heavy partying phase that didn't mesh with my young family. I wrote her a letter explaining we were at different places in our lives and I needed to be there for my family. 5 years later we ran into each other and this September celebrate 30 years as friends. She is like a sister to me.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
I have been there for some friends through some of the worst. I do what I can, but I now put myself and my family first. Too many times I took time away from my family and myself to look after others. But, my friends know they can count on me.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
Abusive, cheating, any negative energy directed toward them, I am straight up honest and there for them if they want to do something about it. I try not to judge where they are at, but if they choose to continue in it I will pull away. Letting them know I am always there if they need me.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
I would keep it to myself, it is not fair of me to burden them with that. I am an adult who can constrain myself.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
I would let them know, it may take me time as I would want to determine how it could affect my relationship with them. Recently I told a friend of 8 years that I had been in love with her for the past 6. But, one or the other of us had been in relationships so this is the first time we were single at the same time. We value our friendship too much to commit to each other when we are in such different places in our lives, but she means the world to me and I let her know that regularly.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
Probably, but all my friends are pretty straight up people. We are pretty honest about things with each other.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.
See above... friends come and go from our lives. We need to appreciate them while they are there and accept when they have moved onto other things.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?
30 years. We have evolved into a sister relationship. We really don't have much in common anymore, really haven't since high school, but we are okay with that and as family just accept each other where we are at.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?
I do have friends who are exes. I think it is the healthiest way to have things. Unfortunately not everyone feels that way and I am very grateful to have had one ex move to Australia from where I live here in Canada. lol

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
I am in favour of it, as long as everyone is on the same page. It has to have very real, open and honest communication for it to work. I have a few, always have unless I am in a committed relationship.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
I expect my romantic partner to be there for me always, as I would be for them. I don't mean we live in each others pockets, but if we have something going on good or bad, we are there for it. And depending on the dynamics of the relationship would likely be the only one in my bed.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
I can't really think of one. I do things for my friends all the time, some I find insignificant and they feel are of the utmost importance. I have done everything from help them move out of their marital home after finding out their husband was cheating to letting a friend stay with me through his psychotic breakdown and finally committed him so he could get the help he needed.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.
My friends do this all the time. The most important was when my partner died while I was in Berlin visiting my brother. My long time friend came to the house because I couldn't reach my spouse and found them dead in bed. She has been greatly traumatized by this. Then before my plane landed, as it took me 24 hours to get back home afterwards, a group of them came into my home and helped my spouse cross over and did a clearing on my home so I would not walk into that energy upon my return. It has bonded our friendship in a very unique way.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?
Abusive behaviour and dishonesty

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
Most, as we all have flaws

Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?
Not at all

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?
I need to have intelligent people around me, but they do not have to have a formal education. I just don't do stupid well

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?
Doesn't make a difference

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?
This depends, I am open to many beliefs but if you try to convert me I will smack you once, and the second time I walk away.

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?
I have friends from all types of backgrounds

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?
Makes no never mind to me

7) …your small or adult children like your friends?
My children live elsewhere, but if they really didn't like someone I would have to take a look at why. My kids are pretty open minded so if they took issue with someone I would pay attention

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?
My friends love my kids. We are even having a big shower for them tomorrow as both my girls had babies in April and my friends have been waiting to meet the babies. My girls, my brother and my dad traveled here to share this with my extended family. My friends are part of my family.


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.
I do this with some friends

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
Different friends for each of these activities

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater
I have certain friends that I always call for going to the movies

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else
Not my thing, and I don't have many friends who are into it either. Except maybe wii on occasion. We have had a couple of wii parties. Drunk yoga is fun.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
Again, usually different friends for each event

6) Participating in team sports
I'm not much into playing team sports. Did I mention I don't do stupid well? I find team sports bring out the stupid in players and spectators

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)
Love these events and have different friends I hold seasons tickets with to different cultural events.

8) Shopping
I am more of an online shopper or an alone shopper. I get in, get what I need and get out. Unless I am traveling and I have to check out the souvenirs, art and other touristy stuff, but again usually better off alone for the shopping part

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants
Do this all the time with almost all my friends, either just two of us or in groups. We often have dinners of 16-24 people and know which restaurants can accommodate all of us and the assorted food related issues they all seem to have.

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
Yep, different friends for different activities, although some do overlap

11) Other
We often get together to do Spiritual work in a group. Whether it be 3 or 4 of us for reiki or 20+ for a drumming circle. Sometimes we will travel to do a ritual. We have also done day trips to visit different Medicine Wheels, Alberta has many.