Quintease, I love your posts!
This is the journey I have been on since my husbands death, and like you, I gave it a lot of thought throughout our relationship, fully aware that it would be a dilema I would face if he died before I did. (The two of us breaking up was never a considertion.) Since his death I dated one ftm off and on for a couple of years and one stone butch LDR for a few months. My FTM partner felt the problem in our relationship was that he was not "queer" enough for me. I did not and do not agree, our problems lay elsewhere. He actually was the one who got me back face to face in the queer community where my previous queer world was strictly online. I am grateful to him for that, though we are no longer together. I am currently unattached and comfortable with that for the short term. I'm still trying to figure out who I am and where my attraction lies.
My SIL gave me this particular piece of wisdom and it steadies me in my search for myself and my future love. "Sweetie, don't stress about this. One day you will meet someone. You will know they are the right person for you and it won't matter to you whether they are male, female or somewhere in between. They will simply be the right person for you."
PS Q, you are not a cowbag of any variety. as my FTM partner used to say. "you're putting too much thought into it", LOL!
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Now I'm not so sure. What if we split and I discover in the future that I'm no longer interested in having a relationship with a cis-gendered woman? That I'm still not attracted to cis-gendered men and that what I really want is another transguy? What is the next transguy going to think when he discovers that I've purposely sought him out, not just because he's hot, but because he's trans? These are things I can't help but wonder. Will he think I'm a fetishising cowbag?
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