[imperfect_cupcake]

what a mire. normally I'm pretty good with staying on friendly terms. I have even tried to stay on friendly terms with my detached wife (divorce impending) but I have now realised I'm nuts for trying to be be friends with her.

I'm also trying to be friends, and actually we are very good friends, with the person I turned to after my wife fucked off and her wife fucked off. Unfortunately, there's always a bit of sexual tension floating around; that's never happened to me before by the way, this is a first. It can confuse me.

My detached wife just sort of pulled the final straw with me. I can't cope with this anymore. I can't cope with trying to pay rent on a two bedroom house by myself and I can't get a lodger because I'm a sex worker (prodomme, just for money, not cause that's my actual role in my relationships) and I don't want a stranger in my house especially when I'm stressed.

I'm tired, I've fallen way behind in school, I haven't done any writting for my book in weeks, I don't believe or trust that anyone would want me for keeps. They all find me sexy and interesting for a few months and then when faced with a real person and not some fantasy ideal, they fuck off.

I want to dump school, dump this house, and fuck off. Go home. I'm tired of trying by myself, I'm not a citizen here, I've been here for 9 fucking years busting my ass and I have NO idea why anymore.

If I go home... I'll have lots tons of friends, I'll have failed coming over here, I'll have qwuit school, but jesus at least it will be easier. I won't have a the threat of constantaly maybe not making rent.

I have no credit rating here. My mates all live fuck off away. My wife is a fucking wankrag, I can't get laid except by crazy people. I'm supporting myself by kicking people across the living room. and I don't know why I'm here, aside from school.