[Sparkle]

With my professional event planner hat on…

It is never too soon to start talking money and begin creating a budget.
There are a number of websites that offer wedding budget templates; I can try to find you a link later if you need one.

But really the first step is to talk about money.

How much do you want to spend? How much can you afford to spend?
Are both sets of parents excited about the wedding? Do they want to be involved? Are they willing to contribute and if so, how much?

These seem like simple enough questions but as a society we are conditioned to NOT talk about money, we’re taught it’s rude and gauche, and as women that societal pressure is even greater and it impacts us throughout our lives hugely – in so many ways.

How transparent are you and your partner with your finances?
Your income? Your debt? Your credit limits? Your spending habits?
Your long term priorities? Your plans and hopes for the future?

If you don’t already have good, open, clear communication skills around money with your partner, now is the time to start developing them.
Otherwise you could end up -not just in fiscal trouble- but also putting an enormous strain on your relationship.

And along the same lines - How transparent are your parents about their money? Their resources? Their debt? Their retirement plans? Their expectations? Remember your parents have been conditioned in the same way you have, they’ve been taught its rude to talk about money.

How are your communication skills with them, around money?

This is not the time to hope your/her mom says “Don’t worry about it Darling, Daddy will pay for it” Unless of course your families have a lot of resources and are free and easy with them (not carrying a portion of your educational debt, or putting another child through college, or paying a second mortgage or worried about how much they’re going to live on when they retire).

You need to be able to say to your parent(s)

“Mom and/or Dad we know weddings are really expensive and we don’t want to accrue a huge amount of debt for one day – so if you could talk to each other about how much you are able to contribute and let me know that would be great, because that will greatly influence our planning process”

Because the first place to start, when planning a wedding, is with a ballpark figure of what you are able to spend. And when you get in to the finer points of budgeting you should also build in a contingency because the costs are always greater than what you plan for.

But starting with basics – let’s assume that both of your families are over the moon and they’ve done a little financial planning and are able help with wedding expenses (this may be a huge assumption, I realize) but for the sake of the exercise let’s say both of your families make a commitment to giving you $5,000 toward expenses, so you start with $10,000 (in the bank, so to speak) and you and your partner decide that in addition to all of your regular expense and savings plans - you are each willing and able to spend $2,500 on the wedding. So you’ve now got $15,000 to spend. Sounds like a lot, right? Yeah…not so much, and unless your resources are unlimited, you’re going to need to make decisions about what your priorities are for *your* event.

First off, there are expenditures that do not go in to your wedding budget that are typically absorbed by the each individual getting married those include: Clothing and Rings.

So when you’re thinking about how much you can afford to contribute to the wedding, you must also think about how much you are willing to spend on your dress/suit/accessories and the rings. Because those come off the top and you don’t want to have a $1,500 bespoke suit and a $5,000 engagement ring charged to your credit card without having already made a plan for paying those bills off so you can finance the event itself.

But you do have two years to plan, you can -with proper planning- defray some of those individual costs by purchasing the rings and the wedding ware sooner (rather than later) and making a plan to pay off those expenses prior to the big spending time of the event.

Once you’ve got a sense of your total income for the event, you should start doing your research.

The largest expenses are typically catering and alcohol and this is where you should begin your research:

Call up that hotel you love on the Cape and ask them how much their venue rental fee is? Does it include space for a ceremony and a reception? Ask them to send you catering package information? Ask what their policy and costs are as regards alcohol. Can you purchase wine wholesale and bring it to the event? If so what are their corkage charges?

When the shock of the cost per head wears off, start calling other venues and getting the same information. No matter where you do your event – this is most likely going to be your largest expense.

I live in Western Mass, so our prices aren’t comparable to yours in Cambridge or to prices in Urban areas in general, but around here a low price per head for a plated dinner from a good caterer is $25. That does NOT include alcohol. And an open bar for the duration of your wedding and it will set you back another $30 per head minimally (so now we’re up to $55 per guest…multiply that by 50 guests and your catering/bar bill is nearly $3,000, $6,000 if you have 100 guests) When you start getting in to the specifics of the menu and the alcohol and that cost per head will start rising.

There are plenty of ways to lower those expense: do a buffet instead of a plated dinner, do a brunch instead of dinner, have a dry wedding, offer wine and beer with dinner but a cash bar otherwise, offer a sparkling wine/juice toast but cash bar otherwise….etc.

Other big costs:

Venue Rental (and one venue for both ceremony and reception or two?): average around here is $2,500-3,000 and you need to make sure to ask if that includes tables, chairs, glassware, table settings, silverware, table linens? Because if they are not - those things are rented on a piece by piece basis and the costs add up quickly.

Photographer: basic packages start around $2,500 if you want albums or prints or a second photographer rates go up. What about video? That is an a different cost.

Live music? DJ?

Flowers?

Rehearsal dinner?

And what are your honeymoon plans? Have you researched how much flights and hotel costs run at that time of year?

Not getting married where you live? You’re going to need to plan for travel costs, hotel accommodation at the location.

When you start earmarking average costs for these items in your budget you’ll realize you’re going to have to make some decisions.

What do you care most about? What are your top priorities?
How many people do you want to attend?

What about your parents, if they’re contributing they may expect to have some influence on the guest list and other details. Best to clarify those items ahead of time.

Where are you willing to cut back?
Do you have any friends or family members who are: Caterers? Photographers? DJs? Florists? Can they donate their services or give them to you ‘at cost’? Or can they arrange a discounted rate with a friend of theirs?

I don’t mean to be the harbinger of fiscal wedding doom. I just see too many couples diving headlong in to the process before they really grasp what the big financial picture looks like.

Perhaps these are not concerns at all and that you do have unlimited resources!

In any case, Mazel Tov on your engagement! Have fun planning your wedding.