[Heavenleahangel]

Awww, {{{Charming}}}; Don't be so down on yourself. I think this is a very courageous question you are posting and for you to be asking for opinions/help. There are some very good responses here and while I was only a counselor for 6 years, I will say this: Don't give up! No one is perfect and while we all have our lil idiocyncrises (spelling?) we are all worthy of being loved.
I have always heard the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different outcomes. While no two potential partners are exactly the same and what works for one doesn't work for others, I feel the the key is communication and the willingness to be accountable for your own actions mixed with your own desire to allow yourself to be loved. Im sure there are many of us here (myself included) that won't mind lending an ear to allow you to vent and figure how to align your heart and mind.