Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post

spritzerJ · 08-20-2012, 05:53 PM

Hi Steph... Gestational parent of one girl, known around the planet as The General. I always wondered more about Alpha Femmes, so word to the wise... careful what you wonder about...

I was in a committed relationship with a woman (we did the as close to marriage event as we could) when The General was conceived. We have a known donor who will identity release when The General is 18 or she figures it out.

I can not speak to the non gestational parent feelings really well. I will note several things that was important in our journey.
1. Read the books on lesbian conception. I read it, she didn't. It can cause friction. Be sure to laugh about the process and even what you read. Parenting requires a sense of humor.
2. Be present physically during insemination. Scheduling the whole ball of wax can be tricky. I told her the book said it was important but she decided to skip out early and well it really, really upset her later. She felt disconnected in a way she attributed to her not staying the whole time and not coming the 2nd round. Like I could just do it with out her. Which was a terrible guilt I could not ease.
3. Enjoy the pregnancy and all the craziness. My ex wasn't perfect but she was while I was pregnant. She put up with a lot and had a great sense of humor. Sure it was trying at times but I am very grateful now for her understanding.
4. I obsessed about the whole conceiving thing. It was hard to not try a cycle because I got so stressed out but we had to take a break. If you are a known obsessor make a plan to support the non obsessor or both of you in the process.

Other notables...
1. We have a great agreement with our known donor. It has morphed a little bit and everyone is okay with the changes. His mom knows The General, we didn't expect that even though we talked about it. She is accepting of her non grandparent just special person who loves The general role. We are very lucky.
2. We did try with a sperm bank a couple times. That process was tricky and well in retrospect a hoot.
3. We inseminated at home. There was no reason to believe I was going to need assistance getting pregnant (assistance other than the to go cup). There are legal things to consider but no amount of having a doctor do it was going to save us a hassle and heart ache if our donor decided to change his mind.

08-20-2012, 05:53 PM	#9
spritzerJ Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Queer (gender), female (biological marker) Preferred Pronoun?: she will work as a default. Relationship Status: engaged to jac until 8/10/14 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Maine Posts: 3,154 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,307 Thanked 15,802 Times in 2,905 Posts Rep Power: 0	Hi Steph... Gestational parent of one girl, known around the planet as The General. I always wondered more about Alpha Femmes, so word to the wise... careful what you wonder about... I was in a committed relationship with a woman (we did the as close to marriage event as we could) when The General was conceived. We have a known donor who will identity release when The General is 18 or she figures it out. I can not speak to the non gestational parent feelings really well. I will note several things that was important in our journey. 1. Read the books on lesbian conception. I read it, she didn't. It can cause friction. Be sure to laugh about the process and even what you read. Parenting requires a sense of humor. 2. Be present physically during insemination. Scheduling the whole ball of wax can be tricky. I told her the book said it was important but she decided to skip out early and well it really, really upset her later. She felt disconnected in a way she attributed to her not staying the whole time and not coming the 2nd round. Like I could just do it with out her. Which was a terrible guilt I could not ease. 3. Enjoy the pregnancy and all the craziness. My ex wasn't perfect but she was while I was pregnant. She put up with a lot and had a great sense of humor. Sure it was trying at times but I am very grateful now for her understanding. 4. I obsessed about the whole conceiving thing. It was hard to not try a cycle because I got so stressed out but we had to take a break. If you are a known obsessor make a plan to support the non obsessor or both of you in the process. Other notables... 1. We have a great agreement with our known donor. It has morphed a little bit and everyone is okay with the changes. His mom knows The General, we didn't expect that even though we talked about it. She is accepting of her non grandparent just special person who loves The general role. We are very lucky. 2. We did try with a sperm bank a couple times. That process was tricky and well in retrospect a hoot. 3. We inseminated at home. There was no reason to believe I was going to need assistance getting pregnant (assistance other than the to go cup). There are legal things to consider but no amount of having a doctor do it was going to save us a hassle and heart ache if our donor decided to change his mind.