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Quintease · 08-22-2012, 02:15 PM

I had massive relationship issues, which were compounded by the fact that I was always in a relationship. All my relationships ended in one of three ways. Either I broke up with them as they refused to commit, only to end up getting back with them. Or I broke up with them after a looong period of time in which I was very unhappy. Or they broke up with me as they felt I was distant and uncaring.

I eventually realised I had 3 major issues - Anxiety/insecurity, abandonment issues, and fucked up ideas of what a healthy relationship was. These 3 problems led me to date people people who either exacerbated my anxiety and abandonment issues or people who I felt emotionally 'safe' with (ie: people I wouldn't fall in love with or were slightly crazy).

This led me into a clearly messed up pattern - Fall in love with someone emotionally unavailable, only to leave with a broken heart. Then date someone who could never break my heart, only to end up unfulfilled and unhappy (or make them unfulfilled and unhappy). I put up with so much rubbish from my partners, and in my relationships, as I didn't know where to draw the line, I didn't know where the boundaries were.

Eventually I dated someone who was scarily mentally ill... and somehow that woke me up and helped me to find my darling husband.

My point is, that I can write all this now with the benefit of hindsight. 5-10 years ago I didn't know all of this. I knew my partners loved me as they fought for me when I walked away. I knew how much I loved my partners. Deep down I knew none of my relationships were giving me what I really wanted, but I didn't know why. I can look back now and think 'My issues with -- and -- and -- caused my partners to struggle in their relationship with me, but also my issues caused me to choose partners who were not good for me because of --- and --- and ---'.

A book that really helped me as I was first getting involved with my husband was - Attached, The New Science of Adult Attachment by Dr. Amir Levine, M.D and Rachael S.F. Heller, M.A.

08-22-2012, 02:15 PM	#25
Quintease Member How Do You Identify?: Rainbow femme Preferred Pronoun?: princess Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 508 Thanked 1,817 Times in 417 Posts Rep Power: 10560327	I had massive relationship issues, which were compounded by the fact that I was always in a relationship. All my relationships ended in one of three ways. Either I broke up with them as they refused to commit, only to end up getting back with them. Or I broke up with them after a looong period of time in which I was very unhappy. Or they broke up with me as they felt I was distant and uncaring. I eventually realised I had 3 major issues - Anxiety/insecurity, abandonment issues, and fucked up ideas of what a healthy relationship was. These 3 problems led me to date people people who either exacerbated my anxiety and abandonment issues or people who I felt emotionally 'safe' with (ie: people I wouldn't fall in love with or were slightly crazy). This led me into a clearly messed up pattern - Fall in love with someone emotionally unavailable, only to leave with a broken heart. Then date someone who could never break my heart, only to end up unfulfilled and unhappy (or make them unfulfilled and unhappy). I put up with so much rubbish from my partners, and in my relationships, as I didn't know where to draw the line, I didn't know where the boundaries were. Eventually I dated someone who was scarily mentally ill... and somehow that woke me up and helped me to find my darling husband. My point is, that I can write all this now with the benefit of hindsight. 5-10 years ago I didn't know all of this. I knew my partners loved me as they fought for me when I walked away. I knew how much I loved my partners. Deep down I knew none of my relationships were giving me what I really wanted, but I didn't know why. I can look back now and think 'My issues with -- and -- and -- caused my partners to struggle in their relationship with me, but also my issues caused me to choose partners who were not good for me because of --- and --- and ---'. A book that really helped me as I was first getting involved with my husband was - Attached, The New Science of Adult Attachment by Dr. Amir Levine, M.D and Rachael S.F. Heller, M.A. __________________ It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.