[NJFemmie]

I grew up in a household where my mother worked side by side with my father - and that meant whether it was painting the house, gardening, or putting up a fence. No one ever questioned my mother's femininity - and she proudly did all of this with her makeup on. I never grew up with ideals of what girls should do versus boys - and I was fortunate in that my mother didn't stress "gender-correctness" as I got older.

I played with boy toys. When I was given a doll, I was told I would rip the head off and use it like a ball. (Thank God I don't remember that...) I had nephews that were close in age to me, and they were more like my little brothers. I grew up with the freedom of my own expression - and it was never questioned.

I was STUNNED when I came out and eventually made my way toward the butch/femme dynamic. There is where I observed what and what not to do. (Supposedly) I was slammed with things like "that's not very lady like" or "that isn't very femme of you". How femme should I be, should I let that butch open the door for me?

PPfftt.

Okay, so I tried to roll with it. It got tired very quickly. I realized I was giving up myself to make someone else happy. Ultimately, this was going to make that person miserable, because hell hath no fury like a woman suppressed. I tried to avoid the stereotyped personalities.

Some thought I wasn't femme enough, others thought I was too femme. Some didn't know how to categorize me.

Well, I still don't know how to categorize me, but I'm okay with that. That's the beauty of discovery and expression - it's ever changing and ever evolving. I know who I am inside, and that is really all that matters in the end.