[Jett]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

Met, that is where I reside at the moment. It is one thing I am extremely greatful for, the London genderqueer scene, is that although there are *some* internal ID politic arguments, most of those are from inter-personal cat fighting between long personal histories. There *is* "just butch". And yep, stone is kinda an aside thing. There but it's considered kind of describing a more... erm... personal *cough* aspect of one's sexuality that isn't really what people are interested in hearing over a pint.

Inks has met a few north american butches recently. And although she likes them, a lot, she does find the "preoccupation with constant self definition assertions" rather baffling and a tad "boring."

She finds the online stuff "horrific" and it's something she really doesn't get. I have explained where it comes from. But europeans have a totally different concept of space and community is different because of that tiny little personal space bubble and extremely long history of even a neighbourhood.

TBH, I'm not real confident in introducing her to any butch-femme scenes. I don't think she'd get it. We're used to hanging out with a big mix of people who don't give a single shit about our ID's. And we don't have to explain ourselves because no one cares - our personal relationship is kinda just that: our personal relationship dynamics and none of anyone else's biz. And everyone respects that. I don't tell my friend "I'm having butch problems..." if I have a fight. I tell her Inks and I are having a rough time and I'm stressed out.

the constant referal to qualifying someone else's gender doesn't happen. it seems to give us both a hell of a lot more room. the only time the word "butch" comes up is if it's *relevant* to the context of the conversation. and personally I prefer it that way. I find it suffocating and irritating if people keep refering to me as "femme" rather than "barb". I'm not a group of highly different people ffs. it's like someone saying "oh how woman of you." fuck off!

sorry, turned into a bit of rant there about my own shit... but I really don't wish to even attempt to get Inks involved in the on-line community. She prefers people who "get" her in person and luckily we have that luxoury in london, especially with the choice of genderqueer clubs.

That will disapear when we move back but somehow I doubt our personal relationship dynamics and our ID's won't be a problem to anyone we're friends with unless we make it that way.

Barb, I think that sounds like bliss. It's actually much the way we (C. and I) live, we don't get into any of the "discussions" or go about and about with peeps and worry about who's what and what's who stuff. Unless I know someone from here I have no idea how people identify or if they even do... nor does it matter (unless it's a pronoun thing and in that case I'm sure they'll tell us).

I think Ink will be just fine, not all of us are are all that interested in dissecting ourselves over a brew. I don't know about everyone else but aside from a few B-F get togethers for the most part we hang in a pretty mixed crowd too. Truth though I can't blame you on the online stuff, it's crazy making. Think I'd be pretty used to it, and I love the community but damn... I've definitely never had so many wtf moments r/l. I'm sure I've caused a few of those in others though also... go figure But I have to say the ID stuff I've had enough of (on my part) and I really just want to just be... feels fucking good.

Any way yep, I do think we agree. Hey, let me know when you two get over here, won't quite be neighbors but if you two head down the coast it might be good to share a brew... and talk about non-gender related issues...