[julieisafemme]

I think the posts here show that every couple has different experiences. The discussion of "passing" is a difficult one for all of us. I put the word in quotations because it is not a word I use or a word I like in relation to my partner and how others view him. The funny thing is how it happens or doesn't on any given day. How do people gender us? Greyson was in a big box store yesterday and had two women helping him at the same time and one called him she and the other he. They seemed to be unaware that they were not in agreement about their perception of his gender. Why or what made one see he and the other see she? Its's hard to know. We have no clue when we go out how we will be seen. Are we a queer couple or straight? There can be multiple variations on the same day in the same area around our home.

We pretty much don't examine it anymore. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to it. I "pass" as a straight woman everyday. That is the femme invisibility. It used to bother me a lot. It bothers me less and less as time goes on. It is hard for me to truly understand how it is for Greyson to have his gender and his sexual orientation up for debate for all who encounter him on a given day.

My hope is that someday people will have the tools to free them from having to make that automatic perception of what or who someone is. That is pie in the sky at this point but I do hope we get there.