Quote:
Originally Posted by PearlsNLace
I really can understand the anger for moms not standing up for their kids.
What allows me to have any relationship with my mother, even though she did not protect me, is this: I dont think my mom saw that horror as abnormal. I think it was so normal to her, that even though on one hand, she knew it was aweful, for her it was also inevitable. I really think it was hard for her to relate to my dad because he was NOT horrible. For Mom, she kept waiting for the shoe to drop, and bad things start to happen. When it didnt, she began to unravel and be horrible just for things to feel on even keel for her messed up fragile psychotic brain to process as "safe". This will probably make no sense unless you have delt with people who have schitzophrenia and personality disorders like my momma does.
It is through this experience that I filter my anger through. In this context, I dont know what options my mom had. I really do believe that she did the best she could with the information she had at the time. I dont know if that might work for anyone else- I wish you healing and peace on your own journeys.
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My sister and I talk about my mom ....my sister is 11 years older than myself...so she remembers mom when she was kinda nice...but we think she had some boarderline personality disorder...but who knows....she could flip like a pancake on sunday morning...omg...it could be a nightmare at times. I used to say that "my mom did the best with what she had." I also would say, "well she did us the way her mom did her." My grandmom was a bitch on wheels..she hated us too...and wasnt quiet about it....she love my cousins...adored them to pieces....to the point where if we were all down there for the summer together...she would feed my cousins first and IF....and i mean IF there was anything left...we could have it...we being my baby brother and myself (he's 18months younger) I dont know...maybe they both did the best they knew how....of course I am not so sure how that relates to the many times my GM almost killed me when i was a baby...and yet my mother kept taking me back there...go figure. I dont hate my mother anymore....she is dead...and that is that...sometimes...i miss a mom....my friends mothers seemed to always take me in as their own....my friends always saw her for what she was....i guess where my mom is concerned I will always feel dead inside. Perhaps its better that way.