My name is Brute/AJ and I'm an addict and alcoholic.
Lol. I just typed out that the whole "faith based" and "religion" thing has been keeping me from going to meetings but I know that's not true. It's me. I keep myself from going to meetings. Let me be more specific. My DISEASE wants to keep me away from sobriety. Had to tell on myself there because being honest with myself is something that is still new to me.
I still have that quick flickering thought of just up and leaving when they start doing the "God spill" during the meetings but I don't. I stick it out because I want, no, I have to share myself. Not for them. For myself. It's hard sometimes because I don't want to come across as resentful but damn it the ONLY thing that kept me at AA was being lucky enough to have a partner and sponsor (not one and same, two different folks, folks lol) who told me over and over, "Don't forget the part AFTER God that says
as you understood him. If it weren't for that, I seriously don't think I'd still be sober today. I've watched newbies get up and walk out in middle of another person ranting about only way anyone can stay sober is by being on their knees praising God for this or that. Grates on my nerves but I can't let that stop me from going.
I wasn't a part of the earlier convo but couldn't help but have to share my thoughts (yes, it's about me damn it cause I'm so smart ya know?)... Don't think anyone was attacking or being defensive, Toughy. Honestly.
For me it's not a faith based program because faith based (down here in this part of the South) particularly means religious. No if's, and's, or but's about it. Lol. There are more church related AA meetings/groups/treatment centers than there are plain ole AA meetings/groups/treatment centers. So it's a huge deal here.
I can see how calling it faith based could be different then just religious based because I have faith that there is a higher power out there. Something greater than myself. Has to be. I sure as hell haven't kept myself sober for two years. Not just sober but actually happy for most part. Granted my Higher Power has been kicking my ass with all the negative karma I've got built up from over the years but that's okay. There are times I laugh about it, times I cry about it and times I say, "Fuck you....just let me be for a minute!" Nothing I can do about it except know it's there and it's keeping me sober along with tools I use.
Shit I'm rambling. I tend to do that at meetings too.
Lol.
Anyway, this is good. Cool. I actually have that warm fuzzy feeling I get after sharing at a meeting. Sweet! Oh and with my new job I seriously hope to get to go to a meeting up near New Jersey or Detroit. Heard they're hard core and I want to experience that. Got a taste of it from a guy during my last meeting before I headed back out to work and wow. Blew my mind listening to him.
Done Sharing,
Brute.