[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by lusciouskiwi

I really wish I could offer some coping techniques. I know exactly what you're talking about - the whole kit and caboodle - but I haven't lived at home (New Zealand) since 2000 (except for a period of about 4 months).

thank you lusciouskiwi!! I know I'm returning to a country more homogenous than where I am. I go out for dinner with an american, an australian, a dutch girl, a NZ, two gals from dublin, a german girl who brings two mates from austria. And it's not unusual. We laugh there are no english present. I am resolute to not fall into something insular when I get home. North America can be a very large island far from everything else.

thank you very much for understanding!

I always find it a bit stressful going home because it's usually rush there and then rush back. But I always love the familiarity of tress, accent, food, culture but then I look around and say "hey, what happened to such and such building?" "Oh it was pulled down ages ago". I find that hard. Everything changes but when we're living overseas for such a long time I think the memories/photos we have in our head don't have change going on ... I know you know what I mean

I'm sure I will do. I haven't been back once in those 9 years. not enough money. I saw my mom once for a week when she came over and my dad once for four hours when he came over. I've been looking at google earth try try and soften those blows and it has been a bit hard to find some of my favorite places gone - the ridge cinema with the home made brownies and independant films and animation festivals closed and became town houses for example. Eagle ridge is now razed and is now a suburb called Eagle Ridge. etc. But I know I will find a lot more changes and find it disjointed and jarring. thank you for articulating that. I haven't quite experienced it just yet but the reminder heads up is good.

One of the things I like about being home is that nobody looks at me - in Asia it's pretty obvious that I'm a foreigner. When I lived in California, of course I didn't stand out, but as soon as I spoke "Oh, you're British!" "Oh, you're Australian!" "Are you from the Netherlands?" Or the way every other word seemed to be "bitch" and boobs blown up out of proportion and the whiter-than-white teeth (you should have seen my face the first time I saw a woman with an obvious breast enlargement! look of shock). So I was invisible as a New Zealander in the States.

heh. Quite. one is outed as soon as we open our mouths. 9 years my accent has softened somewhat. so now many people get a confused look and say "scottish?" "Australian?" "where ARE you from?" or of course "what part of America are you from"
"oh I'm not." smile. No more information given. because I like watching them be confused.
"ah... ??"
"Oh. I'm from the OTHER country in North America."
click on their face. sudden panic. I smile.
I do enjoy watching the social blunder. cause I'm mean!
"oh. Oh I'm so sorry. Terribly sorry. Of course."
"that's ok. we all sound the same. Sort of like all of you did when I first came to england."
"no no, I can hear that you are canadian. how silly. your accent is softer. and you aren't yelling." (LOL keep back paddling, harder!)

And actually, even though it's obvious that I'm a foreigner in Asia, in a way I'm still invisible. The joys of being white I suppose. But part of my identity is pakeha - a Maori word to mean non-Maori - I can't use it out of NZ and I found that really hard because as someone who's white, what else do I have to uniquely identify myself?

yes. the ability to identify when the cultural markers are no longer there and you become an amorphus blob of foreigner. One of those quaint funny people who talk too loud or are so friendly you frighten the locals because they think you are mad (what happens to me. I've never been able to staunch that friendly warmth and bubbly "hello!" to strangers that is seen as a sign of insanity in southern england, so people are often a bit wary of me. Oh my god margret, she's going to speak to us! She might be mental or something!). But there are times that I do enjoy not being a local. Being foreign. My name actually means "stranger" or "foreign." Bit easier for me to play utterly ignorant or pretend I am clueless and just go about things my own way.

Anyway, sorry, you're talking about reverse culture shock.

I think quite possibly what's most important is to make sure you have good dialogues going with your mates in Canada before you get there. I have some darling friends in NZ that I love to pieces but haven't been in touch with them for ages. It scares me that maybe their lives have moved on so much that we won't be able to reconnect. That would break my heart.

I have been trying a bit, through facebook. and I have been able to manage a few connections. my friends at home don't tend to use it much. But when I came over I was shocked how everyone had mobiles and very few people in vancouver had them. I sometimes can talk to my friends on skype or facebook but mostly they are too busy off doing outdoor stuff. that makes me happy. Here people are glued to FB as a social utility. As am I. I look forward to that changing.

Maybe you could think of yourself as an immigrant to Canada?

I hope others can contribute - it'll be an interesting conversation!

And why Melbourne? Always wanted to go there but haven't managed it yet.

I think looking at myself as an immigrant would be a good idea, actually.

and I certainly hope more people do contribute!!

Melbourne? well. I always wanted to live in australia. And from talk to an ex who is of that ilk, she told me about melbourne. I researched it and talked to the Australians I know here and those english who have lived there. they all agree I wouldn't like sydney (mega cities are not for me) but that the culture of melbourne would probably appeal. Plus it's a bit warmer and drier than vancouver. Which is what I would want!

Where in asia are you?

I am hoping when I get home, to try and find as many foreigners to hang with as possible heh. I want to ensure I still keep that part of my brain going. Plus I will be able to empathise!! It will be interesting how they find west coast canuck culture and what parts don't fit well. I'm very interested in hearing that.