Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - What does the "B-F Dynamic" mean to you?

Dragonfly · 03-14-2010, 05:12 AM

What does it mean to me personally....

Well, I had lived my life doing things the easy way from age 17 to 30. I knew I liked women, and I knew I was not a typical feminine woman. But I could live inside the hetero world raising my kids without fear of an abusive person taking my daughter away from me. Until 2006, when I met a butch Id'ed (female pronoun) lesbian woman. But before her, my girlfriends were loved and I never had multiple girlfriends at the same time. They all had Id'ed bisexual like I did. Comittment to a woman meant sharing her with her guy for me back then. I had realized I wasn't bi a few years before meeting my first butch but had not been out looking for someone new. Hehe we happened to come across each other on myspace and since we had a mutual friend, my ex girlfriend's brother was good friends with her.... I met her in real world. Took along Foo of course, just in case you know. I was surprised she liked me and vice versa.

I had never been attracted to a butch woman before her and came to online community to learn more about it. In the process I began to learn about myself. I had been described as butch for a long time. Tomboy is a word I struggle with and debate using for myself around here, but in the hetero world it was part of my ID and butch was used to describe me by those around me. I am still not able to say I am one or the other, Butch or Femme. Everyone's interpretation is about energy and sexual tastes. I can't read myself confidently that it is accurate compared to other's. I am pretty versatile sexually and maybe kinky so that makes it more confusing. It is all just so confusing for me still after 4 years. I only know I belong here because I am sexually attracted to the people who belong here.

Some days I just want to start a vote thread and get everyone to weigh in and name me so that I can stop being afraid of being judged as NOT one or the other. Oh yeah I am pretty messed up.

It's like, if I ID as butch and hit it off with someone who is only attracted to butch ... and then they meet me and are angry or disappointed that my "energy" they percieve doesn't match what I portray myself to be. Will they dislike me wearing make up? Will they have expectations sexually that they do not like to reciprocate?

Or if I say I ID as femme and a butch and I hit it off... will they meet me and feel mislead because I wear men's clothes a lot and do not look like what they find attractive ABOUT femmes? Will they be like one of my experiences and (pressure me) want me to present myself more feminine in appearance? Will they let me do the sexual things I enjoy doing with my lover... or only want to do them to me?

Yes all of those things are subject to individual people not the ID's. Yes they are stereotypical. No I dont think of butch and femme as sexual acts but as gender Id. Yes, some people do think of them as sexuality and as what happens in bed. Am I confused by ALL of this? Yes.

But the dynamic itself DRAWS me in. I don't feel like this about any other lesbian related community. Here I feel free to be me, whoever that is.... to figure it all out, and to know that there are people like me that ID as many different things in the community.

Plus, no one here will think that wearing men's clothes means I want to be a man or am feeding into mysogyny against the equality of women by embracing my masculinity. I am not asserting my misguided superiority needs and am proud to be a woman and to have feminine things about me too. I just never let people put me into a box of anything woman are "supposed to" and are "not supposed to" be, do, say, or dress like. I resisted being oppressed and that has nothing to do with the butch femme dynamic except that the dynamic to me is the embodiment of that resistance. No matter what I ID as, butch or femme.

Thanks for being community in the best sense of the word.

03-14-2010, 05:12 AM	#38
Dragonfly Member How Do You Identify?: Queersexual Female Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: smiling real big Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: My Own House Illinois Posts: 330 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 871 Thanked 346 Times in 151 Posts Rep Power: 645438	The Dynamic What does it mean to me personally.... Well, I had lived my life doing things the easy way from age 17 to 30. I knew I liked women, and I knew I was not a typical feminine woman. But I could live inside the hetero world raising my kids without fear of an abusive person taking my daughter away from me. Until 2006, when I met a butch Id'ed (female pronoun) lesbian woman. But before her, my girlfriends were loved and I never had multiple girlfriends at the same time. They all had Id'ed bisexual like I did. Comittment to a woman meant sharing her with her guy for me back then. I had realized I wasn't bi a few years before meeting my first butch but had not been out looking for someone new. Hehe we happened to come across each other on myspace and since we had a mutual friend, my ex girlfriend's brother was good friends with her.... I met her in real world. Took along Foo of course, just in case you know. I was surprised she liked me and vice versa. I had never been attracted to a butch woman before her and came to online community to learn more about it. In the process I began to learn about myself. I had been described as butch for a long time. Tomboy is a word I struggle with and debate using for myself around here, but in the hetero world it was part of my ID and butch was used to describe me by those around me. I am still not able to say I am one or the other, Butch or Femme. Everyone's interpretation is about energy and sexual tastes. I can't read myself confidently that it is accurate compared to other's. I am pretty versatile sexually and maybe kinky so that makes it more confusing. It is all just so confusing for me still after 4 years. I only know I belong here because I am sexually attracted to the people who belong here. Some days I just want to start a vote thread and get everyone to weigh in and name me so that I can stop being afraid of being judged as NOT one or the other. Oh yeah I am pretty messed up. It's like, if I ID as butch and hit it off with someone who is only attracted to butch ... and then they meet me and are angry or disappointed that my "energy" they percieve doesn't match what I portray myself to be. Will they dislike me wearing make up? Will they have expectations sexually that they do not like to reciprocate? Or if I say I ID as femme and a butch and I hit it off... will they meet me and feel mislead because I wear men's clothes a lot and do not look like what they find attractive ABOUT femmes? Will they be like one of my experiences and (pressure me) want me to present myself more feminine in appearance? Will they let me do the sexual things I enjoy doing with my lover... or only want to do them to me? Yes all of those things are subject to individual people not the ID's. Yes they are stereotypical. No I dont think of butch and femme as sexual acts but as gender Id. Yes, some people do think of them as sexuality and as what happens in bed. Am I confused by ALL of this? Yes. But the dynamic itself DRAWS me in. I don't feel like this about any other lesbian related community. Here I feel free to be me, whoever that is.... to figure it all out, and to know that there are people like me that ID as many different things in the community. Plus, no one here will think that wearing men's clothes means I want to be a man or am feeding into mysogyny against the equality of women by embracing my masculinity. I am not asserting my misguided superiority needs and am proud to be a woman and to have feminine things about me too. I just never let people put me into a box of anything woman are "supposed to" and are "not supposed to" be, do, say, or dress like. I resisted being oppressed and that has nothing to do with the butch femme dynamic except that the dynamic to me is the embodiment of that resistance. No matter what I ID as, butch or femme. Thanks for being community in the best sense of the word. __________________ Stay Gold.