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Originally Posted by Stoney

Okay heres some questions I would like to throw out there and hear some feed back.

If a woman is in a relationship with a stone butch , is she now a stone femme?

I am partnered with a stone butch, but it does not change my identity and never has.

Does that change an identity if the person you are with is stone? or would you simply identify as femme?

I have identified as femme since I found the term, even when my partner was stone butch, transgendered, or just a non-identified woman loving woman (does that make sense?).

If you would be changing your style of sex out of respect for the person you were with or is it a lifestyle you would continue to pursue even in a different relationship? also would a woman who identifies as a stone femme whether in a relationship or not only look to date a stone butch?

It is in my nature to touch and be touched, just as it is some's nature to touch and not be touched, or not be touched and touch. However, I look at it more as a "This is what I do not like." as opposed to "This is what you can't ever do." Same thing, yes, but it is easier to wrap my head around. That way I see it just as a preference, and do not take it personally, even though in my mind it is not personal, my heart sometimes takes it personally to the extreme. Does that make sense? I have cried myself to sleep before thinking I was doing something wrong and therefore being punished by not being allowed to touch at all. It just makes me feel down on myself when I think of it like "I can not do this to my partner because they do not want me to." vs. "My partner just prefers not to be touched this way, but they do like it this way."

I know for me, being Stone isnt an issue if it was a casual thing but what about a different senerio, you fall in love with a person who wasnt stone before, or maybe you fall in love with a stone butch and you arent....would you always feel like something was missing? Would you miss making love to a woman? I always wondered if my partner was feeling restricted from something she may desire to do with me or to me , just like I do her.

I won't lie, yes sometimes I feel a void. Coming out, it was always reciprocating sex with my girlfriends, there was no boundaries when it came to our bodies. When I became aware of the butch/femme community, I was partnered with a butch lesbian who identified as stone, but sometimes she would get really out of it (i.e. she was addicted to pain pills) and suddenly that went out the window. Imagine my surprise the next night when she flipped out on my attempts at initiating sex. I quickly became confused as to what was allowed, when it was allowed.. Not trying to come across negatively, just trying to explain my confusion as a newly outed lesbian.

My responses are above in purple.