[*Anya*]

I only have two hands. One to apply lipstick and another to hold my copy of "Fifty Shades of Grey". This is exactly what I needed! A pen that looks pretty enough to hold between my lips. Now husband-finding will be a much easier task. It's so logical - EVEN FOR A WOMAN! Thank you, BIC
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It's a disgrace. First they get the right to vote, now this. Once again, the most oppressed minority - white middle class men - have been overlooked when it comes to disposable pens. You can bet that if BiC came out with pens that 'fit comfortably in a man's fist' and look like a pint of lager, there would be uproar.
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I had my man read me the packaging details because it was so beautiful I just HAD to know what was inside. I discovered that it contained something I did not ever believe possible. A pen. For me! Now I just need some pastel coloured books so I can learn to read and I'll be able to use them to write by myself. At last!
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Thank you, thank you bic. My womb is throbbing at the very thought of holding such a thing! My husband says before long I'll be able to write my very own shopping lists and cake recipes.
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When she wrapped her small but capable hand around the Cristal pen and stroked it, she saw stars, and she knew there were none out tonight. She let out her breath in a long, uneven moan. Her thumb rubbed the tip of the Cristal pen, spreading a drop of ink. She opened her mouth and lay her Cristal pen on her delicate plump moist lips. She shook the shaft of the Cristal pen with her hand urging the ink out. It was too much. She was too good. She couldn't stop as she crossed washing powder off the shopping list....
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After suffering debilitating gender-based paranoia for many years due to my large hands, interest in science and ability to make my own decisions, I became convinced that even though I was born and live as woman, society would never accept me. My life was a battle but I fought on, between bouts of hormonal weeping and watching endless romcoms and DVD boxsets of 'Friends', yet was unable to connect as a woman or find that elusive romance or 'friend'. I subscribe to all the women's magazines, buy all the latest beauty products, still all I have added to my life is a pile of old magazines and bottles of vegetable oil based lotions. Nothing was working.

Then, my sister came to my house one day to find out why I had not attended our weekly trip to the salon, only to find me lying among the cupcakes I had lovingly made her, curled in the feotal position and rythmically rubbing my body with an unplugged Ladyshave. Seeing my despair at the harsh reality of not being feminine enough, she wept as she bathed me in a scented bubble bath. Leaving me alone with a chocolate bar to eat seductively, she crept out and sourced me a small pack of BiC Cristal for her.

Within moments I was able to sit unassisted again. I brushed and even swung my newly washed hair, and my tears slowly dried as I added layer upon layer of beauty product, using the pens to mark which worked and didn't. I wrote a to-do list named 'The start of the rest of your life.' I truly did start living that day.
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Having just had a hysterectomy and mourning the loss of my womanhood I have been desperately searching for validation of my sex again. Thank god for Bic - my friends bought me a pac of BiC Cristal and I feel whole again. The pink itallic writing giving me comfort and joy. One can only assume that had Virginia Woolf or Sylvia Plath had such wonderful writing tools there literary contributions would have been much happier and easier to understand. Thank you Bic!