[imperfect_cupcake]

I do not believe in a femme code. I certainly don't believe in a butch code. I have straight female friends and just me dyke friends and butch friends and gay male friends and straight male friends.

they all get the same love, affection and appreciation. My bestest, oldest friend is a straight woman. Three closest, most adored friends are a butch, a bisexual girl with no ID, and a dyke who ID's as "dolly mixture" (a licorice candy bag of all sorts)

I have very close femme friends but they don't get anymore special treatment or coded behaviour than the rest of my cherished friends, that would be weird to me.

Would I flirt with an aquaintence's ex partner? probably. I'm sure she's an adult and knows that her partner will start to see other people.

When my wife and I broke, we divided things up socially - who would get what night where, and we'd text each other to let the other know if we were going to be at an event. Why? because we didn't want to see each other flirting or snogging or whatever with other people AND it's NOT anyone's responsibility for our feelings around each other as an ex couple. It was up to us to deal with it. I've always done this with my exes - for X amount of time we do not attend the same events so that we do not restrict each other and we do not have to see things we do not want to see.

I would assume that everyone else took that same due care like the grown ups they are supposed to be and not shove that responsibility onto other people.

Would I date a recent ex of a close friend? no. I have slept with exes of close-ish friends after a period of time apart that I thought was reasonable - one in particular, a year had passed and she was engaged to someone else. I told her what had happened. her reaction was a *bit* on the dramatic side. She ran out of the house crying. She then tried to kick me out of the house we were living together in and the rest of the girls in the house said I had broken a "code" and got pretty fucking nasty to me. I pointed out that perhaps if she felt THAT strongly about Eric, perhaps she shouldn't be marrying someone else??? If she didn't know she felt that way about Eric still, maybe it's a bloody good thing she's just found out??

I left the house and was made into a harlot because I broke "the code". Pfft. Codes can suck my fat chunky asshole. I made a judgement of action based on what I knew about individuals. Codes are for things like bikers clubs or boy scouts or freemasons. Not a gender group that I have nothing in common with save for the same gender presentation. I thought third wave feminism proved that not all women have the same experiences? That can be extended to any gender representation.

Sorry, no code for me. respect as individuals and an expectation for them to take care of themselves.

ETA: I just remembered... a long time aquaintance of mine was married and in an open relationship. She was shagging someone who was interested in me and I was interested in her. She spoke to her, telling her that she would be dating me. She was pissy but accepted it. We started dating. My friendly aquaintance with that femme... well she stopped talking to me. My date then broke with her because she no longer wanted to be screwing more than one person at a time. my femme aquaintance then threw me hostile looks at events. Fair enough, her feelings were hurt. However, she was married to someone and what happened between my date and her was not my making or business - it was for them to sort out. And if she didn't want to talk to me... I understood. However, I knew she'd get over it. She did. about three months later we were all talking and laughing at the same table in the pub and at one point she'd come over, give me a hug and sit on my date's lap and we'd talk.

My ex housemate and I have never spoken again. She made me into a demon and took no responsibility for how she felt or communicated.

People, if they assume responsibilty for their own emotions and relationships, get over things.