[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by Dance-with-me

LOL well, I agree but the problem I face is that right now we only have a professional relationship - it would be very different (in terms of my comfort level flirting) if we had met in a purely social context.


Oh, trust me, if we had a social interaction, and especially if I knew for sure that she was butch, I'd have no problem making the first move. But my concern wasn't about if I should make the first move as a femme," it was that I don't even know if she ID's as butch. I know that I would ultimately find this out once we spent time (once I figured out how to make it possible to spend some time, which is really the biggest issue), and that we might have the potential to be friends if she's not, but I guess once again it requires context - there's a lot of butch-phobic feelings in this community, and how I'd approach a butch would be different than how I'd approach someone who only looked butch but didn't identify as one at all. Or maybe I'm just over-thinking and over-complicating it, because I don't know how to function face-to-face instead of from behind a keyboard!

Something in me says that I just need to start soliciting some donations, go collect those donations, then go to drop them off when I know for sure that she will be there, wearing some femme finery featuring some serious cleavage. If she stammers and smiles, I have my answer to whether she's butch and a reason to suggest dinner.

Whatever happened to asking around? You must know someone who knows her, or a friend would know someone who knows someone. That's how we've always done it. You can and should ask your contact if she's single before you ask for a date.

I'm not so sure that asking if she considers herself butch would be productive if you live in a place where most people just don't understand what that means, but you can gauge that based on who you're asking. Good luck.