I love that you started this and I think it will help people
if nothing else than to see other perspectives.
Back in my twenties I had a therapist who told me to go on
practice dates to help me with my non datearound er stuff.
I even told these dates that they were practice dates and
they did not seem to mind. I only had three of them (different
people) and none made me want to pursue a second date.
Then I stopped the experiment ,my ex came back into the picture
and said I needed to date
her more , so I did. :]
I still would date her
more and again which is why I went
to therapy to begin with. If only we had met later in life , I think
things would have been very different and we would likely still be
together.
Then a few years later I dated two women at the same time. My ego
got big ,thinking I had to choose between them and poof
I ended up with no choice at all.
I used to roll my eyes seeing ads talking about "friends first"
but now I sooo fucking get it.
For me, you have to first be my friend and then stay my friend
or I gotta go.
So, I gotta wonder if that's a reasonable request and if I am
crazy for thinking that maybe a long (?) friendship is the way to
begin. Then , I have also been in situations where it
has been a friendship so long you cant even imagine being
with that person romantically. No sparks.
friendly sparks
is that asking too much?
Then comes the internet stuff , web-caming and what-nots (snort)
I've had woman cam me without even asking
being more than a bit suggestive to get my attention.
oy
and it worked
I was reeled in but I was younger and didnt know jack.
I dont want that for myself , these days.
I think if it is the "right"
someone it will just flow and there will be an equal infatuation
(a desire to learn ALL about each other)
and no rush to consummate things. (Owning "my stuff" as
well here.)
I see things happening at warp speed online and that is
not for me at all. (although I have done the warp speed lust,
I would never be able to say that I loved someone on the
second or third meet up)
sparky , lusty friendship with a heaping dose of kindness
and patience is what I genuinely want
I wont put myself in a position to compete for anyone
nor do I think the person who is "right" for me would
tolerate competing for me.
I've seen many sad endings by people thinking they
have won the prize but it was all just about the winning
and they really didnt even want the prize.