Hello my dear ones. The holidays are approaching. What better time to gift you partner and other loved ones with the gift of security?
Many more of us can now marry legally in their homes state than was true when I started this thread. Now that we can marry we are looking at different aspects of legality than when we were denied this right. Before you marry do you need a pre-nup? (A legal agreement signed before the marriage to decide how money will be handled during the marriage and how it should be distributed after the marriage, should it end in divorce) If either you or your fiance have significant funds, you should consider a pre-nup. Having a pre-nup does not mean you are planning for the failure of your marriage. It means that before you marry, you are sitting down together to make financial decisions. Since financial issues are the primary cause for most divorces, talking about them before you marry is a good idea. You may decide that a pre-nup is unnecessary, but at least you will have had the conversation.
For those of us still stuck in states which do not allow us to marry, we need to have our "documents" in order. Powers of attorney, wills, living wills, designated medical care deciders, car titles, home deeds/titles, life insurance both employer provided and the ones we purchase and any other documents concerning shared property or services need to be reviewed to make sure they reflect our current wishes.
If you have insurance or any other monetary sources in the names of our birth families, DO NOT COUNT ON THEM TO "DO THE RIGHT THING" FOR YOUR PARTNER!!!! The truth is they most likely will not do as you wish. (re-read the stories above) Money is a strong motivator. Family who have been nice to your partner while you are allive may treat them terrible should you die.
Most importantly you need to designate who will care for your children should you die or become disabled, or face some other challenge to your parenting.
NEW HORROR STORY: Two lesbian members of my church took in two toddlers whose mother was "on the street" - a drug addict. They did this legally, with involvement from Department of Children and Family. They were raising these children using their own money with no help from the parent.
One of these children died three weeks ago. He was acting strangely when they brought him home from child care and died within 15 minutes of being brought in to their home. DCF came and took all childen out of their home, including Parent 1's 11 year old natural child. The investigation is still underway. The birth child is still outside their home. Parent 1 is allowed very liberal visitation. Parent 2, who has been the child's mother for over six years, and who, in fact, has been the monetary supporter for the whole family during that time, has not been allowed to see the child AT ALL ... BECAUSE SHE IS NOT FAMILY!!! All parties know that these women are a couple, they are not hiding anything. This decision is simply a slap in the face to them because they are gay. I'm not making these stories up, folks, this is what is happening to our people out there.
Come on folks, we're all adults here. Let's take care of our business.
Smooches,
Keri
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