[Kobi]

Dear Eric Arnold Garland,

Your righteous indignation is duly noted. However, we are having just a little difficulty taking your temper tantrum seriously.

First of all, we checked the Mayflower records. We confirm your lineage did make the voyage. Unfortunately, they traveled in coach which is the Mayflower equivalent to the 47% slacker class. IF they had traveled first class, your DNA would carry more weight.

Second of all, we appreciate you elaborating on why you yourself are so freakin special. We hear that your unique specialness makes you an authority on all and everything. We have received millions of letters from special people just like you.

We do understand that on the day all of you were born, you were each led to believe a star rose in the east and wise men came bearing gifts. I regret to inform you that your parents lied. You were all nothing but flailing mounds of flesh in stinky diapers screaming your colicy lungs out. Nice to see you have at least outgrown the diapers.

Thirdly, while we appreciate how valuable you THINK you are to the cause, you really arent. While we appreciate you buying into all the rhetoric, the fact you still have to work to make a living, renders you nothing more than a common peon.

Those of us who ARE important do appreciate your willingness to behave like a rat in a maze, chasing the miniscule trinkets of success we set in your path, deluding yourself into thinking you are succeeding. It amuses us to watch you and your overinflated sense of self think you are actually going somewhere.

Fourth, and here is where you become wearisome, you are a necessary cog in the wheel of life but you are also a drain. You are a small business owner. I know you think this makes you special, an entrepeneur, a potential savior. Truth is, you cost us a small fortune. Guaranteed loans, special tax incentives, all the little perkies we feed you is what make it possible for you to be and feel successful.

You own a lily white house in a lily white neighborhood with a lily white fence. It is the handouts you get that makes this possible. You tend to forget the mortgage and property taxes you deduct from your taxes deprives us of billions of dollars of revenue each year. You tend to forget we choose to subsidize the clean water you drink, the remnants of the toilets you flush, the electricty you depend on, the gas for the guzzlers you insist on buying, the food you put on the table......all money given to make your life easier and less expensive. Are you grateful for these gifts? I think not.

Same for your wife, the physician who doesnt see people until they have 4th stage cancer. The hippocratic oath says.....first do no harm. It does not say first do no harm only to those who can afford care. You are merely exploiting an industry for your own personal six figure or more gain. If you and your wife are soooooo concerned about poor people, what are YOU doing to change that?

One last thing....we know you fancy yourself as a job creator. There are millions of unemployed Americans and you can accommodate how many? Do I need to use both hands or will one suffice? Oh, btw, creating more bigoted, sanctimonious, self centered, me-ists doesnt count.

In closing, we thank you for your input. We thoroughly enjoyed it. It added immense laughter to the morning coffee hour.

Please accept this gift from us. Given your excessive whining, we are sure it will come in handy.

Sincerely,

Ask me if I give a shit,
the whom to which this was addressed