[JustJo]

Been quite awhile since I've been in this thread, but some diabetic questions came up on the healthy weight loss thread, so I thought I'd give this a bump...

Lately, my biggest struggle has been with fatigue.

I have decided that it's really hard for non-diabetics to understand the intensity and depth of diabetic fatigue. It's not a constant thing for me, thankfully, but when it's going on I am exhausted....exhausted even beyond the point I was with a new baby with colic who didn't sleep through the night until he was 17 months old, plus a high stress job.

When it hits, I literally find it a struggle to keep my eyes open. The prospect of even the simplest activities can make me feel like all I want to do is sit (or lay) down and cry.

The problem, of course, is that it's not visible to anyone else. There's no wound....no temperature...no outward symptoms. And...because of my earliest training...I keep pushing through, keep doing what I need to do, even when I feel like I could easily either throw up or dissolve in tears.

It came to a real head for me today, when I posted on Facebook about my struggles with "the devil dogs"....and one of my oldest (as in elementary school) friends gave me a mini-lecture about how "all" they needed was a long walk every day.

As if I didn't freaking know that.

But I'm a strong woman, and independent, and....yes...a bit proud. And it hurts to say "really? so then what do I do when that's the last thing in the world I can do? what do I do when I struggle some nights just to make dinner for my son and clean up the kitchen? what about how I need to focus the energy I have on my job (since it's the only thing feeding us)...and struggling just to stay even on the filth and destruction they produce each day?"

I think people are so used to seeing me just keep on doing what needs to be done, that they don't give a second thought to how I might feel while I'm doing it.

And how I feel, all too often, is exhausted beyond belief, and on the verge of tears.

*end rant*