You can't make this stuff up folks!
As heard just now in my mothers kitchen over breakfast...
"Yes, I did vacuum the lawn. Mr. Lawn says that it's the best way to get the grass ready for fertilizers and such and as you know a rake just doesn't do it. So I took the shop vac and vucuumed every inch of it. The next step is to spread the (and I quote) chickeny doo doo"
Oy, and all this before coffee and little sleep ...
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