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spritzerJ · 11-18-2012, 04:04 PM

Remembering family traditions of holiday cooking....
My mother taught me a lot about holiday cooking. My mom is awesome by the way, so you know she is right.

1. If you aren't cooking with a diet coke and a window open you aren't doing it right. In the early years this would have included cigarettes.

2. Dressing up for a holiday meal is not required, remember you're sweating. A bra is optional as well. If you aren't sweating then something is wrong with the meal.

3. The people to pie ratio should be no larger than 2:1 preferably 3:1. Also, the people to roll ration should be 1:5.

4. You should have a cookie sheet scared from pie drippings past that one of your juiciest pies is stuck too when it is time to serve desert. This doesn't jive with my mother's idea of a perfectly decorated holiday however the only other option is a seriously smoky glob of berry goo blackened to the bottom of your oven.

5. You will serve real butter, cook with real butter and make whip cream from real heavy cream. This is a holiday for Christ's sakes.

6. You are allowed 2 shortcuts in holiday cooking: stuffing mixes and frozen bread dough for rolls. Not the brown and serve but the dough that rises and then you bake. The stuffing mix must also be enhanced with celery and onions sauteed. That is it. Any other short cuts and you are doing it wrong and must not love those you are eating with.

7. More about pies.... if you dare to use a store bought pie you will be openly mocked. You don't even want to know what happens if you serve/bring a frozen pie.

8. If someone loves a type of pie or food make it or get it. Summer sausage for 1, better have plenty. Cranberry sauce in the shape of a can that only one person will eat, serve it. Special allergies accommodated. This is a holiday for Christ's sake people will have what they want to eat! Unless it is giblets then they are out of luck.

9. Polite conversation is for people uncomfortable with stating their minds or wussies. There better be a loud discussion with differing ideas.

10. Grand kids can eat as many olives as they want, skip the main meal and get pie (or cake if they want it, cause we have that too) but her own children are screwed if they don't finish their meal.

11. Paper plates are a cop out. Barely allowable for dessert. What is a holiday with out massive clean up.

Are you sweating yet? Open a window already!

11-18-2012, 04:04 PM	#11771
spritzerJ Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Queer (gender), female (biological marker) Preferred Pronoun?: she will work as a default. Relationship Status: engaged to jac until 8/10/14 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Maine Posts: 3,154 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,307 Thanked 15,802 Times in 2,905 Posts Rep Power: 0	long one... Remembering family traditions of holiday cooking.... My mother taught me a lot about holiday cooking. My mom is awesome by the way, so you know she is right. 1. If you aren't cooking with a diet coke and a window open you aren't doing it right. In the early years this would have included cigarettes. 2. Dressing up for a holiday meal is not required, remember you're sweating. A bra is optional as well. If you aren't sweating then something is wrong with the meal. 3. The people to pie ratio should be no larger than 2:1 preferably 3:1. Also, the people to roll ration should be 1:5. 4. You should have a cookie sheet scared from pie drippings past that one of your juiciest pies is stuck too when it is time to serve desert. This doesn't jive with my mother's idea of a perfectly decorated holiday however the only other option is a seriously smoky glob of berry goo blackened to the bottom of your oven. 5. You will serve real butter, cook with real butter and make whip cream from real heavy cream. This is a holiday for Christ's sakes. 6. You are allowed 2 shortcuts in holiday cooking: stuffing mixes and frozen bread dough for rolls. Not the brown and serve but the dough that rises and then you bake. The stuffing mix must also be enhanced with celery and onions sauteed. That is it. Any other short cuts and you are doing it wrong and must not love those you are eating with. 7. More about pies.... if you dare to use a store bought pie you will be openly mocked. You don't even want to know what happens if you serve/bring a frozen pie. 8. If someone loves a type of pie or food make it or get it. Summer sausage for 1, better have plenty. Cranberry sauce in the shape of a can that only one person will eat, serve it. Special allergies accommodated. This is a holiday for Christ's sake people will have what they want to eat! Unless it is giblets then they are out of luck. 9. Polite conversation is for people uncomfortable with stating their minds or wussies. There better be a loud discussion with differing ideas. 10. Grand kids can eat as many olives as they want, skip the main meal and get pie (or cake if they want it, cause we have that too) but her own children are screwed if they don't finish their meal. 11. Paper plates are a cop out. Barely allowable for dessert. What is a holiday with out massive clean up. Are you sweating yet? Open a window already!