Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - Breaking it down

Sarafemme · 11-28-2012, 12:58 AM

I am a new femme and an old-soul femme. What I mean by this is that, a mere few months ago, I finally embraced the only gender identity that has ever felt true to me: Femme.

I recently came out to myself. Right now I'm calling myself a 'bisexual femme,' but my primary emotional and physical attraction has always been to women, though I have not yet had a sexual experience with a woman. I was too frightened by the notion that I could be bi or lesbian (I first admitted this possibility to myself over 10 years ago, while in college, after many, many unrequited crushes). Instead, I stuffed those feelings down and figured I just hadn't met the right man.

Finally, I did meet a man, and was swept off of my feet in a whirlwind courtship. Yet, the entire time, a part of me felt like I was acting a role. I have been married, mostly unhappily, going on seven years. We are in counseling; we are struggling; I am both in mourning for my lost (seemingly straight) self, for not being able to fulfill his needs, and also scared and elated at finally finding out what feels gloriously 'right', at last.

By 'old-soul femme,' I mean to say that I have always known this about myself, instinctively, but was in extreme denial for most of my life. My battles have been internal: Warring with myself for what is expected of me as a feminine-acting-and-appearing woman and all the while feeling horribly deficient in that reality in some deep way that I couldn't (or wouldn't) define.

I just joined this forum tonight. I am staying up late, obsessively reading and learning. You are all incredibly interesting and I really hope to make some friends on this forum. Even though I have only recently accepted my feelings for women generally and my identity as 'femme' specifically, I hope to keep engaging and learning on from all of you.

11-28-2012, 12:58 AM	#177
Sarafemme Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Bisexual Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married but confused Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: United States Posts: 14 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 65 Times in 10 Posts Rep Power: 1521266	Newbie femme I am a new femme and an old-soul femme. What I mean by this is that, a mere few months ago, I finally embraced the only gender identity that has ever felt true to me: Femme. I recently came out to myself. Right now I'm calling myself a 'bisexual femme,' but my primary emotional and physical attraction has always been to women, though I have not yet had a sexual experience with a woman. I was too frightened by the notion that I could be bi or lesbian (I first admitted this possibility to myself over 10 years ago, while in college, after many, many unrequited crushes). Instead, I stuffed those feelings down and figured I just hadn't met the right man. Finally, I did meet a man, and was swept off of my feet in a whirlwind courtship. Yet, the entire time, a part of me felt like I was acting a role. I have been married, mostly unhappily, going on seven years. We are in counseling; we are struggling; I am both in mourning for my lost (seemingly straight) self, for not being able to fulfill his needs, and also scared and elated at finally finding out what feels gloriously 'right', at last. By 'old-soul femme,' I mean to say that I have always known this about myself, instinctively, but was in extreme denial for most of my life. My battles have been internal: Warring with myself for what is expected of me as a feminine-acting-and-appearing woman and all the while feeling horribly deficient in that reality in some deep way that I couldn't (or wouldn't) define. I just joined this forum tonight. I am staying up late, obsessively reading and learning. You are all incredibly interesting and I really hope to make some friends on this forum. Even though I have only recently accepted my feelings for women generally and my identity as 'femme' specifically, I hope to keep engaging and learning on from all of you.