[always2late]

Ciaran,

I've a massive (did I say massive? It is actually gargantuan in proportion...godzilla-like, if you will) crush on you despite your rudeness, your dismissive hand gestures (if you combine the rudeness AND the hand gestures I might possibly swoon!), and your arrogance . In fact my crush on you is so big that I won't mind too much if you wear higher heels, and nicer heels, than I do (in fact, I have some VERY high heeled boots that I am sure will look absolutely smashing on you). I also promise not to get jealous if you snog Kermit the Frog when I'm not looking (I'll even get the two of you a no-tell motel room for your birthday).

As a sign of my crush, I'm willing to FedEx some lasagna, lovingly homemade by my own hands (I'm of Italian heritage and my lasagna kicks ass...if I do say so myself. And, as a bonus, I will airmail some meatballs), to you in London, together with references (typed in triplicate on parmesan cheese scented paper) attesting to my domestic abilities (yes, I do windows) and we can take it from there.*

*'tis the season...and I think in the spirit of giving everyone should have the kind of crush they want made to order....just call me Santa!