[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by Boots13

No matter how much time you spend, 2 hours, 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 months the stays are just that...stays. Mini vacations, exciting rendevous, hot interludes. Those visits are full of Modified behavior (I'm not going into work today) , easy compromises (short term concessions) , financial excursions (lunches, dates, drives and tours) and just the pure elation and joy of spending real time with your chosen one.

But it is not the daily, unending grind of real time living.

Not true for everyone, Boots. I'm currently on a 3-week "stay", but U and I are both working. I have the luxury of having a job I can do from anywhere, so I'm holed up in the office at U's while he runs errands and goes to his own work. It's only been about 6 months for us, so this is the first time we've done it this way. I think it's good for him to see me in my full ADD mode - my work is demanding and divides my attention 600 ways at once, and I see him tired and grumpy as he trudges into work at 5am. Also, he has now seen me in my ugly pajama pants, God-awful hair, and pimples.

Anyway, the LDR has been good to us so far. The secret ingredient has been blatant, brutal, sometimes asshole-ish honesty. We have icky fights sometimes, but I can honestly say I've grown a little with each one. We don't make big romantic plans for the future (it's too soon for that); we just take one day at a time.

I've had other LDR's. The last one I had went well; we traveled a lot together which was fun, but when the time came where he was in the hospital, I was there. He stayed with me in his recovery, and when I was horrendously ill, he was there too. Nothing "fell apart" with that relationship, we broke up because of the way he felt about himself - which, near or far, is not something you know about someone right off the bat.

From my experience, here are some common mistakes I see:

Sorry to pick on Sleepy here, but people who "fall" for someone before they meet have a high rate of failure in LDR's (IMHO). People don't represent themselves honestly all the time, and if you don't meet quickly, there's probably a reason for that. I definitely knew what I thought I felt before I met U, but I was afraid to say it, because it is hard to know what's real until someone is standing right in front of you.

People move too damn quickly. My friend Mel has a theory: people can hide their "crazy" for 18 months. JAGG has a similar theory. So, if you're thinking about moving in before that mark, well good luck to you, but I won't ever make that mistake again (did that with 2 local relationships - I'm a slow learner).

Make no mistake, LDR's are expensive. If you're not financially stable, I would not advise being in an LDR. I know that if something really awful happens, I can be here in about 48 hours. There's a lot of comfort in that, and there's a lot of uncertainty if that's not the case.


Anyway, if you like someone, go for it. Not all of us are lucky to live in an area with a vibrant B/F community, so LDR's become the best option. You just have to go in with your eyes open, know that like any relationship, you're taking a risk. Be smart and be safe, and above all, ENJOY YOURSELF. Just don't bring a u-haul on the second date.