I've neglected this thread for the past few months, posting -that is, and have appreciated others posts very much! How are the holidays going for everyone?
I wanted to share about a day that stayed on my mind and had me thinking. Since Thanksgiving and up until almost Christmas I was sick with one of those bugs that just would not go away. I felt weak and down, especially during such a busy time of year.
On the last day before my winter break (I work at a school), a higher up motioned me over to her to look at photos on the computer from the staff holiday party. As we looked through the many photos, every time there was a photo of her she commented on how fat she was and deleted it. It was said in a multitude of ways over and over. And it was especially frustrating because she is not fat, and I am.
Then that evening I talked to my almost-98-year-old paternal grandmother on the phone, and she told me that I should try Nutrisystem. "Okay, thanks, and, so how have you been?" But, no, as usual she could not stop herself. She was in one of her sadistic moods where even if I respond nicely to everything she says, she can't stop talking about her perception that my purpose in life should be to lose weight. Angrily, she said, "You're not serious about it!" Having found in the past that fighting her on the issue was not effective, we had this circular conversation with me being nice and trying to talk about other things and her focusing exclusively on my weight, saying, "Remember when you used to be gorgeous? You had a perfect figure. It's so sad what's happened."
Later that night, the experience at work and the experience on the phone came crashing down on me. It seeped into my bones, and I felt horrible. I felt like there was something wrong with me, and I felt terrible about myself. I realized that it had not rolled off me like it sometimes does when I am feeling strong, and times are good, and I can just blow off the thoughtless comments of others. Sometimes I give people a piece of my mind kindly or more aggressively; sometimes I set a strong boundary; and sometimes I let it roll off me, but then there are days like that day when all the negativity about fat people and body negativity in general just knocks me down.
Now I'm feeling back in a place of strength but I wanted to talk about that day and share my feelings of how hard it was and how I hope we can all turn to each other for support in body acceptance as well as counter balance all the fat negativity and judgement of all bodies that there is out there with celebration of ourselves, whether we are thin or chubby or supersize. Lots of love to anyone who takes the time to read this thread and lend support.
Happy holidays to all the wonderful people on this thread! May your New Year be full of love and peace!
