[TheMerryFairy]

Originally Posted by Martina

What do you do when this sort of thing happens to you? When someone makes a comment, teasing, helpful, or just mean telling you that your gender presentation isn't what it SHOULD be, yadda yadda?

Do you ever casually police a friend or acquaintance's gender? How do you know if it's OK if you do?

I saw this interesting blog entry by a cisgender man who had to deal with some policing by a transman. I thought it was interesting to see a cisgender person getting policed by a non-cis person. You feel bad for both of them, the guy getting teased in a way that makes him feel yucky and the guy teasing who doesn't realize he's not being one of the guys but coming off as an asshole.

Anyway, it made me realize (again) that teasing about gender presentation can be pretty tricky. Helpful comments are worse, I think. I have a gay male friend with an anxiety disorder, an older guy, who would step over that line. He immediately went into Auntie mode to make it seem OK. It wasn't. But I knew that it was his age, in part. And in part his anxiety. He couldn't NOT comment sometimes. It was almost like he was afraid for me.

I kind of feel like this guy does. I tend to organize my life so that the people I am around are cool, don't push my buttons, so when I encounter it, it's a shock and hits harder.


Complex Masculinity Policing -- Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I too am far to familiar with gender policing. I wish people could just accept others and themseves for who they are.