January 26
A Living Love
What I love about the program is that it is a living thing, like me.
It is not perfect, it is growing and changing, adapting and correcting for each experience and need. AA is a life into life process and saves me because life begets life, no matter what I was told. The answer to life is living and I get to see that being done by everyone from newcomer to old-timer each at his or her personal ability. I am allowed to dangle my feet, wade, tread-water and swim, all under the watchful eye of loving support and critical pretender. Difficulty is not removed nor is the way made smooth, but I am no longer without a thread to hold. I love the web I help weave myself into and feel protected from the spider of my addiction because together we are living proof.
Bear Grace
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DEEP IN THE SEA
Under the mirror
There is life
Under what I reflect to the world
I am a world apart.
I smile sweetly, political in my response
To confrontation and conflict
Deep, deep in the sea, is a current of sadness
I can't always shake.
Pain is the past
But it's there like a moray
Lurking to strike aimlessly, pointlessly
At the passersby.
The ripping teeth
And the cold stare
My terror
No way to escape it.
I focus on the topside
The reflective part of me.
I keep as clean
And free as can be.
I stick to my business
List my goals and make plans
The water runs cold
Then hot beneath.
I carry the steps to this underwater grave
Trying to inflate the rubber skin of god
But No
There is no life in the god of my understanding
Or maybe there is no life.
For the character the drowned balloon represents
The sea is bigger than me.
The life stronger and more abundant.
The sky it reflects as vast as liquid
I swim
There is a Power
And it doesn't need that comic book face.
Safety is not the requirement
That can be granted.
Lack of safety does not end my life
It does not end God
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