[Kätzchen]

"To say that one waits a lifetime for his soul mate to come around is a
paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on
someone, and by the art of commitment become soul mates,
which takes a lifetime to perfect,”

~ Christopher James Gilbert (2012)

(Otherwise known by his stage name, Criss Jami:
Lead singer for the rock band, Venus in Arms).


Did you know that Gilbert began his writing career in poetry, essays and existentialist prose, while studying philosophy as a student at George Mason University? He was born, the same year as my youngest son, in 1987.

For as young as he is, notwithstanding knowledge about his own life experience or other peoples' life experiences, I would say that his statement contains a particular truth that most people could identify with, existentially.

On the surface of Gilbert's argument, he suggests that people ‘wait a lifetime’ for their ‘soul mate to come around’; which, at heart, is basically ‘a paradox.’ As a person delves further, past the surface of this argument, we find Gilbert mentioning items of interest pertaining to elements of time, timing, rules of decorum, etc by also suggesting, possibly by early youthful observation, that: “People get sick of waiting (time, relationship rules of decorum), take a chance on someone (issues of timing, breaking socially held ideas on relationship rules), and by the art of commitment become soul mates which takes a lifetime to perfect (again, his youthful observation on social norms – rules by which people come to know over a period of time – subvert social relationship rules, by overtly participating in time held beliefs pertaining to rites of marriage relationship rules and over time, hopefully the choice they made to ‘unite by commitment’, their relationship will hopefully resemble something that mirrors institutionally and communally held beliefs on what constitutes a marriage of the mind, soul and body).

At my age, it’s no paradox – the act of waiting around for the ‘right’ person to come along. People wait for the right person to come along, in my opinion, because of their own perceptual life experience or experiences in life. Which is to say that, simply as possible but not as simple as one might think, that there is the very real possibility that life does have rules that regulate how we think or act or how we learn to read in our own mother language or even how we communicate across the span of time as we bridge life’s ‘troubling waters.’

Whether or not we adopt an idea that we could transcend rules of engagement implies that we wish we could subvert a time honored system of engagement with how we conduct ourselves in our everyday relationship with other human beings. Or to push the boundary further, our relationship in and to a physical environment, which nourishes us with food to eat or water to drink or the air which is a prime value in sustaining life for all on Earth.

To provide an answer to your very first question of: Do I believe in ‘soul mates?’

It depends on how we (the general we) define what constitutes ‘soul mate.’ Generally speaking: No, I do not believe that the term ‘soul mate’ shares the same capacity as that of the term ‘partner’ or ‘wife’ or any other term which describes a person you share your life with in terms of a marital relationship commitment (for however long the life of that particular relationship lasts).