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Ciaran · 02-10-2013, 11:20 PM

Okay, so it's 5am here and I had a terrible night's sleep due to nightmares as a consequence of this thread.

I dreamt that I was getting married to Stepfordfemme in Reykjavik, Iceland but everything went wrong.

Firstly, she'd cleaned out my bank account paying vast sums of money on Italian leather shoes. Even worse, she'd had some fancy ass lawyer look over my pre-nuptial contracts and turned the tables on me. Knowing this, I didn't really want to go ahead with the wedding but I had little choice as my mum always loves a good wedding and an excuse to wear a hat.

To make matters worse, Dixie was the photographer but there were almost no photos of the bride and groom as, somehow, Agnetha and Anni-Frid from ABBA turned up to the wedding and got all Dixie's attention. The result? Hundreds of photos of Agnetha and Ani-Fred in their retro 1970s sparkly clothes and no photos of me (I cannot remember if there were photos of Stepfordfemme but, since we're now going through divorce, I'm not too worried).

Gráinne (formerly known as Guihong) was also there as the wedding caterer but had got very drunk the previous night in a Reykjavik Irish bar. This meant that the lasagne was way over-cooked. Somehow Wanda Sykes also came into the dream at this stage to claim that she was the real Betty Crocker - so now I know.

And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, it turned out that Espressolover had been booked as the musical entertainment for the wedding reception. Even the more patient of the guests had had enough of her banging her tambourine after 5 minutes or so.

All-in-all, a very bad start to married life. Can someone give me the name of a good divorce lawyer? Once I get the divorce sorted out, I think I'm going to join a monastery or a convent.

02-10-2013, 11:20 PM	#3618
Ciaran Member How Do You Identify?: Altocalciphilic Preferred Pronoun?: Papa Smurf Relationship Status: Curmudgeonous spinster Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: London (but from Belfast) Posts: 678 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 471 Thanked 3,654 Times in 602 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Okay, so it's 5am here and I had a terrible night's sleep due to nightmares as a consequence of this thread. I dreamt that I was getting married to Stepfordfemme in Reykjavik, Iceland but everything went wrong. Firstly, she'd cleaned out my bank account paying vast sums of money on Italian leather shoes. Even worse, she'd had some fancy ass lawyer look over my pre-nuptial contracts and turned the tables on me. Knowing this, I didn't really want to go ahead with the wedding but I had little choice as my mum always loves a good wedding and an excuse to wear a hat. To make matters worse, Dixie was the photographer but there were almost no photos of the bride and groom as, somehow, Agnetha and Anni-Frid from ABBA turned up to the wedding and got all Dixie's attention. The result? Hundreds of photos of Agnetha and Ani-Fred in their retro 1970s sparkly clothes and no photos of me (I cannot remember if there were photos of Stepfordfemme but, since we're now going through divorce, I'm not too worried). Gráinne (formerly known as Guihong) was also there as the wedding caterer but had got very drunk the previous night in a Reykjavik Irish bar. This meant that the lasagne was way over-cooked. Somehow Wanda Sykes also came into the dream at this stage to claim that she was the real Betty Crocker - so now I know. And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, it turned out that Espressolover had been booked as the musical entertainment for the wedding reception. Even the more patient of the guests had had enough of her banging her tambourine after 5 minutes or so. All-in-all, a very bad start to married life. Can someone give me the name of a good divorce lawyer? Once I get the divorce sorted out, I think I'm going to join a monastery or a convent.