Quote:
Originally Posted by sara-bera
What people actually want is a relationship that filled with happiness and laughter. We should be looking for someone who we can laugh easily with.
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This really hit home for me. A relationship filled with happiness and laughter sounds beautiful.
I have had lists. But the lists have usually been surface (older than me, handsome, etc., etc...) until a friend asked me to really look at my list and go deeper. She asked why I wanted someone older than me? It really came down to my fear of aging and only being liked because I was deemed 'pretty' by society. So I realized I needed to change "older" to "someone who makes me feel secure and loved even on those
I feel ugly days." Age (to a point) is irrelevant. Shocking that I didn't know that!
I do think there is a power in pen and tongue which is why I journal and write down my dreams. I have gotten relationships that pretty much match my lists..., but just as someone else on this thread said, I forgot to put kind on the list. So as I've gotten older, I've gotten wiser. Kind is now number one on my list! And I really only have three non-negotiable: Kind, sexually compatible, family guy (or wants to be a family guy). I have kids so a family lifestyle is unavoidable and I can't be with someone who is frustrated by that life.
Sometimes I am literally shocked at how my life turned out. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and tell that young girl that kindness is the most important thing...
That you can't have a relationship filled with happiness and laughter if someone isn't kind to you. Someone who can be mean to others WILL be mean to you. But then I wouldn't have gotten the beautiful lessons of life. Those lessons that have made me more empathetic to others. The lessons that have made me more 'beautiful'.
As I get older, would I rather be alone than with someone that doesn't have the qualities I need?
Yes. As I've said, my new list only has three non negotiable things... if you are not kind, sexually compatible with me, and a family guy... I need to be alone. True, there are other things I look for, but the past two years of being a single mom with no family within 2800 miles, has shown me that I can do it on my own. I know that I don't need to be rescued so would rather wait (okay... there is still a little piece of me that totally wants the knight in shinning armor to sweep me off my feet and tell me it is all going to be okay... progress not perfection).
I hope there is a relationship in my future. Recently, after a bit of panic at the thought, I figured out that I am ready for that chapter. I like the thought of additional laughter and love in my life. But I don't need it. And that my friends, is true freedom!