[Diva]

Good morning, boys and girls, and gather 'round for another story from your Auntie Diva!

Yes....it's been a long time since your last little story....I'm pretty sure this story will make you smile as much as WE did last night!

Your Auntie Diva had an interesting experience last night, boys and girls.....yes, she did! She experienced the Magic that IS The Texas Roller Derby extravaganza!

Oh my goodness!

Well. Let me just tell you, boys and girls, that your Auntie Diva may or may not have been hesitant in the beginning. Tentative is another good word to describe my state of mind on the subject. And hesitant.

But then I felt more confident that nothing too white trashy would befall your Auntie Diva, as she would be surrounded by the cousins.....

Yes.....your cousins RectoRama, cousin "B", cousin OBwanKanobee, cousin ArwenCard, cousin MitmoBettah, cousin Randomness and your Auntie Diva descended up The Thunderdome last night for the evening.

There were some VERY interesting folks in attendance, boys and girls, and your Auntie Diva discovered promptly she was way overdressed! What WOULD have been appropriate ~ instead of the black dress slacks, swirly printed blouse, black lacy sweater and perfectly coiffed bouf ~ would have been a cheap, curly wig (to pay homage to one for the skaters, Curly Suicide) or torn fishnets (your Auntie Diva may or may not have some of those, actually!) or blinged out roller skates..........

Your Auntie Diva will know the NEXT time!

SO. Your Auntie Diva enters the venue and is struck by the wonder of it all! Their Thunderdome is not of the Mad Max (and Tina Turner) realm....but it was a healthy second, boys and girls!

There were bleachers with folding chairs, surrounding an oval~shaped, slanted 'track' and I may have stopped in my tracks to see some of their skaters.

Yes. There in the center, surrounding their little benches, were the two teams. One team in red ~ They were called the Rhinestone Cowgirls. Now, one MAY have suspected that THIS would be the team your Auntie Diva would have rooted for, boys and girls.

But, NO.

For there, surrounding the other bench, was a team dressed in ~ <sigh> ~ HOT PINK SATIN. Yes. There they were, boys and girls. The loveliness of The Hellcats............

Your Auntie Diva was in awe.

She was so stunned by the Hellcats' quirky goodness, your cousins MitmoBettah and Randomness just took her arms and guided her to the seats.

And the people~watching commenced!

What great fun! And your Auntie Diva may or may not have gotten a tad bit excited when the skaters were knocked down or had pillow fights (yes, it's true) or the jammers lapped the opposing team. (Yes, your Auntie Diva knows the Thunderdome Lingo now!)

Some of the players which captured your Auntie Diva's attention were:

~Dixie Sanchez

~Mummy Dearest (oh my!)

~Punky Bruiser

~Ethyl Murder (she was in trouble a lot, boys and girls!)

~Miso Vicious

~Sissy Spankit (another personal favorite)

~Dill Dozer (see above)

~Curly Suicide (she was a little powerhouse skater....and her fans wore really heinous blonde curly wigs)

~Pain N. Simple (Yes, boys and girls.......I may have lusted a bit. I met her. She was tall............and sweaty.)


And toward the end of the extravaganza, all the birthday people lined up against the railing of the track and the 2 teams SPANKED them! It was then and there, boys and girls, that your Auntie Diva nearly went the way of Satan and lied......I mean......what?

And THEN, the teams got rather cranky...and started shoving each other and knocking one another down....they just weren't playing nicely, boys and girls.

It was exciting!

And I got to thinking that perhaps your Auntie Diva should start the Geriatric Roller Derby......with teams such as The Malox Mamas......the Gilded Grannies.....or maybe the Quadruple Bypass Babes........

I could even have little, tiny skates on my walker!!!! I know, right?

At the end of it all, your cousin MitmoBettah ran over to Miss Pain N. Simple and got her to come over to me for a photo op. No one could have predicted that she would hug me tight to her sweaty body and kiss my cheek.

She was tall. And she may or may not have been quite the hot skater....with her sweaty tresses clinging to her moist skin and hot pink satin.



So............how 'bout them Cowboys, boys and girls?

Forget the football......Roller Derby is your Auntie Diva's newest passion.

Signed,
Auntie Diva, who has chosen her Roller Derby name: Diva~va~voom