[sylvie]

Originally Posted by Andrea

Al-Anon is a wonderful group. I don't feel like I am exaggerating to say it saved my life. I attended meetings off and on for several years, then became active in it and also joined CoDA (co-dependents anonymous). Best things I ever did for myself.

Go to a meeting. It won't hurt. In fact, I suggest attending several different meetings for several weeks. Each group will be different and feel different. It may not feel like it is for you for a couple of meetings and it may be uncomfortable, but it won't hurt anything to try it.

You will find people that have been through what you are going through. I found it a comfort to know I was not the only one that had experienced it. I didn't feel alone anymore. They spoke of ways of coping, and they spoke of their triumphs and that gave me hope.

Andrea

thank you Andrea, i really appreciate your advice, i'm not sure why i needed to hear from others it would be good for me, i think it's mostly because i found it hard to admit it was okay for me to seek help with this because he (or others in my life) might feel it was selfish of me, wanting help with this. (my mother tells me i'm too busy thinking of myself when i suggested it - and it's about him not me)... i think i know deep down this would benefit me. i will definitely make the phonecall today,

Originally Posted by apretty

i don't have personal experience but al anon is a great resource for people in your exact situation, please go and soon.

that said, if i came upon my father/anyone in the shape you describe i'd call 911 and let professionals deal with it, not because i don't care--quite the opposite, i care enough to not let him decide when he's going to go to the ER. (please understand that i'm not at all judging/criticizing the way you dealt with your father!!)

i understand that you've been dealing with this forever--that is so unfair... and i suspect that the doctor was right about this being *more* than any one person can handle--go to al anon, you're not alone.

thank you, and no don't worry i don't feel you are criticizing, i promise.. i have in the past called 911, and at that very moment, if i felt it was necessary i most definitely would have.. we only live less than a 5 minute drive from the hospital, and at that moment, i made the call to take him myself, but i'm not sure if it was in panic, or if i felt he was well enough.. i didn't know the extent of everything til i spoke with the doctor, he went 2 days without seeking care (which i didnt know about, til i got the call from my stepmother) - so i guess judging that fact weighed upon my thinking it was alright to get him there... i will say once i spoke with the doctor about how badly he's doing and what he is doing to himself, i regretted not just calling 911 myself.. i just wish my stepmother had done so, herself 2 days prior.

i really, really appreciate your advice and encouragement to go, i will make the call today , thank you so much!

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

Sylvie, my dad was a functioning alcoholic as many police officers are. My oldest brother is an alcoholic and I did the tough love with him (we no longer speak). It runs in my family. When I was in my 20's I had a lot of misplaced anger, so a friend turned me on to ACOA(adult children of alcoholics) meetings. Believe it or not, they helped me deal with my family better back then. Sometimes it's easier to be with others in a group like that every week than try to do it on your own.

I'll keep you and your dad in my prayers.

I understand what you're going through. If your dad won't get help for himself, you should at least get help for you, so you can cope better.

thank you very much - i will definitely get the help needed.. sometimes it's difficult for me to admit i need the help, life has been taking care of everything & everyone on my own, and i'm very much a bottle it in and deal with it kind of gal... a lot of my seeking help efforts when i was younger failed and have very much become the girl that takes care of everyone but myself, i think.

i really need to practice taking care of myself, too.