[sylvie]

wow, that's actually very encouraging.. helps me to want to do this so much more.

i really love the idea, of being with happy people. as i mentioned in a previous post, i dont have a lot of positive people in my family, they're very pushy, narrow minded and angry people.. i have disassociated myself from most of them, because i feel that life is just too short to deal with so much negativity - i live my life being 'me' , with my 2 loving, fantastic children who make my days full of smiles.. negativity pushes me back steps, i try to stay focused on 'forward'.. anyway, i won't go into all of that because that's a whole other situation LOL, and honestly one i don't stress over anymore.

but happiness, a sense of understanding, and most definitely i need to learn tough love.. i'm such a pushover kind of person, i don't really stand up for myself or stand up to others.. and when it comes to helping others, i really throw myself into that because it makes me feel good, but what i've come to realize in all of this is that it's not always a good thing.. or let me rephrase, the help that he needs which is tough love.

so i think this is the first day of what could be a form of healing, of some sort. recognizing the problem, taking steps i need to take no matter how hard those steps may be.. doing what's right for my papa.. for the first time, i feel as though i'm looking forward to going.. (yes, still very nervous though, lol)

i've still not heard back from anyone, if i dont in the next couple of days, i'll call again!