[always2late]

Originally Posted by little man

i've been thinking about this portion of your post. a couple of questions, if you don't mind indulging me.

i'm curious to know how your dad sees that being more sensitive impinges on his masculinity. did he happen to say what it was, in particular, that he feels like he's losing? it would seem, to me, to be a gain.

can you help me out with this?

Sure

A little background first though....my dad was brought up with even stricter gender roles than my generation. However, his mom became ill when he was very young. So my dad became a dichotomy of sorts. He took on what would be considered, at that time, the "woman's" job...cooking, cleaning, caring for his younger sister, etc...

Its also of note that my dad, a longshoreman by trade, discovered that he had a talent for floral design (and he really is incredible at it...he had a side business in it for years)

So, I don't think he was speaking of the specific "jobs" assigned to men. I tend to think he was speaking of the more intangible, for lack of a better word, aspects of his idea of "masculinity". He was taught that men are chivalrous, respectful, and strong, not just physically, but in character as well. That they endure without complaining. They are the providers and the protectors. For my dad, a man that does not hold a door open for a woman, or offer her his seat, or defend her when she is threatened, is, in his view, a "lesser man". It is his belief that men do not put their own needs first, their purpose is to take care of and provide for their family and to keep them safe. However, he also believes that men do not show their feelings, or weaknesses, or flaws....that it undermines their strength to do so.

What can I say? While I don't always agree with all of my father's beliefs or ideas, I have to look at the source and realize that he is, as we all are to some extent, a product of what he was brought up to believe. We can modify and alter those beliefs somewhat...but many of them are deep-rooted.