Hallo Butch Femme Planet-
A friend<3 of mind referred me to this site and I thought I would check it out
In the past I have posted on the AskJoanne website and so this forum is completely new to me.
I am a divorced mother with two children aged 6 & 8. About 6-7 years ago I was very unhappy in my marriage and fell in love with a woman. This caused me to question my sexuality and I started to realize some things about my past and actions/behavior in the past (attractions to women). I started coming out at as a lesbian. My first futile attempts at experimenting with the object of my affections were unrefuted. After about a year of remorseful contemplation I was actually introduced through a mutual friend to a butch truck driver whom I had a torrid 6 month "affair" with (for lack of better words). I fell in love with her and wanted to leave my marriage and be with her. She didn't really want a relationship with me and so "ended" it with me. She "broke up" with me and another woman moved in her house with her. I was heartbroken. It literally took me 2-3 years to get over this. I was anguished. I was tormented. I revisited every single moment in my head over and over again every night and couldn't live with it. Finally after much struggle I decided to leave the marriage. Even if I couldn't be with "her", maybe I would have the chance of being with another woman who loved me. So, 5 years ago I moved myself and my children and my possessions into an apartment on my own. I hired and attorney and filed for a divorce with joint custody for our two children. At this time I struck up a renewed "friendship" or acquaintance so to speak with the first woman I had ever been with (lets just be honest and say that my hopes were to always really get back with her somehow). Eventually the woman who was living with her moved out and they "broke up." I spent more and more time over at her place as a "friend" (always hoping for more) but there was never any physical intimacy. I always slept in her bed and she always slept on the couch. If there were one or two physical encounters she was drugged out - passed out. However, in my gradual growth over the last couple of years I came to realize that she just wasn't really the woman I was meant to be with. She didn't love me back and respect me the way a mutual relationhsip should be. I was doing a lot of caretaking and not receiving anything in return. Our lifestyles are too different and it just didn't work out. I started to feel used. What streamed sort of during and after this was a string of unhealthy, short term dating relationships in which I was always the one in love with someone who was a total "player", "drug addict", etc. etc. After about a year of giving and never receiving I got tired of it and finally decided that I should move on and could do better. It was at the point where I was providing so much and verbally abused and assaulted in return. I gave it a good chance, as much as I could for as long as I could, I really really tried but it just didn't work out. I started building a new base of healthier friends and branching out more into the social scene in my area instead of always being behind closed doors with her. I made new friends which take an awesome trip to Pensacola each Memorial Day weekend. I met some younger sporty women and had some flings but they never panned out because there was always an ex that was involved who they went back to, or they couldn't do an "long distance relationship", etc.
Then about 5 months ago this same mutual friend requested that I go out on a date with a "friend" of her "friend." I was really hesitant to any hopes at first - but after our initial meeting I was ecstatic to be associating with a lesbian who was stable, had a viable career, no apparent mental or drug issues, etc.. . . I didn't know these kind of lesbians exsisted. She actually wants to be in a relationship with me, is patient with my children, and I love her very much. We actually even went to the same undergraduate school, only five years apart and so we missed eachother. I continue to grow closer with her and feel like I could talk with her about anything. I have been working on myself with a lot of personal growth in transitioning from a stay-at-home mother to a full time career. She is darth denkay, a tomboy
I am excited about what the future will bring. I am looking forward to spending time with her this summer on our annual Pensacola trip with friends, as well as a special vacation we have planned with the kids.
Anyways, that is my whole life story in a page or less (mius the growing up part
. Just wanted to introduce myself and say hallo - that is my story.
Audrey