Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - Bravehearts: FTMs who cannot or choose not to medically transition

Maverick · 03-26-2013, 02:37 PM

Most, if not all of what Alix said in his post I could say in mine. I am finding myself in a depressed state for the past couple of months due to the fact that I don't feel like I can transition and I think I'm in mourning over the life that I can never have. I'm 51 and when I think about transitioning I think "why bother at this point in your life?" All of the things that I wanted to do when I was younger are not now possible whether I am male or not due to my age. I can never be a young man. And after 50 years of family and friends thinking they know me as one thing how possible is it for them to grasp such a huge change as my gender anyway? I feel like it's hopeless and there's really no reason to even think about the possibility of transitioning. I'd like to make some modifications for my own peace of mind but just can't see myself gathering up enough courage to fully transition to male. Perhaps I've said it before here, and I mean no disrespect for anyone as I'm only speaking for myself, but I don't feel brave at all. I feel like if I was brave I would do what my heart and soul tell me is right for me and transition so I can live a congruous life where my soul and body are in alignment. Is it brave to walk the earth as a person who doesn't fit into a gender? I guess so. But, in my opinion, it's braver to be true to yourself no matter the consequences. Harder said then done. I'm not willing to lose everything I've built at this point but perhaps that will change one day. I don't know. Thanks for listening. I really needed to get that out.
Maverick

03-26-2013, 02:37 PM	#113
Maverick Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Transman Preferred Pronoun?: they/them Relationship Status: encumbered Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: eastern US Posts: 48 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 361 Thanked 181 Times in 34 Posts Rep Power: 1216948	Most, if not all of what Alix said in his post I could say in mine. I am finding myself in a depressed state for the past couple of months due to the fact that I don't feel like I can transition and I think I'm in mourning over the life that I can never have. I'm 51 and when I think about transitioning I think "why bother at this point in your life?" All of the things that I wanted to do when I was younger are not now possible whether I am male or not due to my age. I can never be a young man. And after 50 years of family and friends thinking they know me as one thing how possible is it for them to grasp such a huge change as my gender anyway? I feel like it's hopeless and there's really no reason to even think about the possibility of transitioning. I'd like to make some modifications for my own peace of mind but just can't see myself gathering up enough courage to fully transition to male. Perhaps I've said it before here, and I mean no disrespect for anyone as I'm only speaking for myself, but I don't feel brave at all. I feel like if I was brave I would do what my heart and soul tell me is right for me and transition so I can live a congruous life where my soul and body are in alignment. Is it brave to walk the earth as a person who doesn't fit into a gender? I guess so. But, in my opinion, it's braver to be true to yourself no matter the consequences. Harder said then done. I'm not willing to lose everything I've built at this point but perhaps that will change one day. I don't know. Thanks for listening. I really needed to get that out. Maverick