[DJ Bear]

"When I was a child
I had my sword.
I took it out once and
proudly displayed it.
Such pride.
Such reverence.
I was punished.
So I sheath my sword.

When I was a teenager
I had my sword.
I took it out once and
proudly displayed it.
Such pride.
Such manliness.
I was punished.
So I sheath my sword.

When I was a warrior.
I had my sword.
I took it out once and
proudly displayed it.
I was willing to fight.
To be the man I knew I was.
Such dignity.
Such honor.
Such a dashing warrior.
I was punished.
So I sheath my sword.

When I fell in love,
I had my sword.
I took it out once and
proudly displayed it.
Such humility.
Such trepidation.
Such dignity.
I thought the time right,
the woman right.
I was punished.
So I sheath my sword.
Could no longer take the pain,
the guilt.
My pride is gone filled by shame,
my reverence disappears,
my manliness no longer exists,
should not exist,
has no right to exist.
It never really existed.
I feel I shall never be called upon
to fight the good fight for a woman,
to bravely protect a woman,
to stand tall for a woman,
to have a woman lean on me.
I bury my sword deeply,
wipe its memory from my mind.
I no longer want it.
I bow my head in sorrow, defeated,
no tears shed.
Only sorrow, shame, guilt.
I was not,
could not,
will not,
ever be who I thought I was.
I am not a man.
I am not a woman.
I am nothing.
I only exist as a joke.
I only breath.
I wait.
I wait for death.
I invite death.
I beg death.
There is nothing,
a vacuum,
no life,
nothing left to be.

When I was older and single,
I remembered
I had my sword.
I took it out once and
proudly displayed it to myself.
I stroked my sword,
it came alive in my hand.
There was no punishment.
No fear.
No regret.
There was life.
I breathe the air with gusto.
I stand tall in my boots.
I stand straighter.
I live my life with curiosity,
with hope.
Such pride.
Such reverence.
Such dignity.
Such a dashing warrior.
Such manliness.
I did not sheath my sword.

When I was older
a beautiful woman came to me.
I knew I had my sword,
I took it out once and
proudly displayed it to her.
She smiled up at me.
She gently reached her hands out
and held my sword,
my soul,
my fears,
my ego,
my pride,
my manliness,
all of me.
She held my sword with such
pleasure in her eyes.
She held my sword with
happiness,
gentleness,
firmness,
She held my sword with
love.

I live.
I love.
I thank her."

~DJ