[Gráinne]

My daughter has gotten into competitive swimming. She will be swimming for a local team this summer, then for her high school next fall. In order to actually teach her to swim correctly (she's never had a formal lesson), I hired a trainer. I see a lot of difference just in two sessions. You never know, Michael Phelps had to start somewhere!

Anyway, we meet at UALR's pool, and after the lesson, she got permission to hang around and dive, just fool around. And so did I! It felt so great to swim laps again, much like meeting an old friend. I like to imagine my problems and challenges written on cement blocks that fall off of me as I go, making me lighter and faster. I picture them small and manageable down at the bottom of the pool. When I'm done, not only have I exhausted myself in a good way, worked out my body, but at the least I can feel a little better about what I'm struggling with.

I know I've been dealing with depression for most of the winter. To get out of this, I've tried to remember what I was doing when I felt my happiest and most joyful. One thing was that I was extremely active. At one point, I was a runner, dancer and a swimmer, though not on a competitive level. I was just always going. When I retired from dance, and thus from all the rest of that, I lost myself. I told my counselor that I wanted to find myself again, and I suspect that in the pool is one way to do it.

For me, it's not even about getting in shape or losing weight. If I think like that, I'll quit. I call those laps (or dance, or running-if I can run again) a kind of meditation.