[Anomaly]

I'll never ask a customer to leave just for bugging me. Short of assault, I mean. I'll stick a finger in someone's face and say "Don't touch me," or I'll be less friendly to someone who is hard to be around, but my own comfort isn't a priority at work.

It's not always wine and roses. I've gotten threats and insults, had shot glasses thrown at me and body parts waved at me, and I generally take it all in stride because... Well, because it's show business.

The only time it really irks me is when I get unsolicited advice... And really only specific advice, like when a fat guy tells me I should lose weight or an unemployed person tells me to get my life together. I guess because I can't say anything back. It's frustrating.

And there was this guy who was driving me nuts. He needs a lot of attention, and he just wants to complain about things. "Oh, the karaoke, I can't stand music, only listen to talk radio myself, and, what the hell, does that guy really have his dog in here? I hate animals, would just as soon kick a dog as look at one. Oh, you're an animal lover? When you grow up, you'll hate animals, too. These idiots, they wanna have a baby on their second date, and you just don't know. You don't know what it IS to have kids. YOU DON'T KNOW! You don't have kids? Then you don't know. You never know. You can't do it alone. If you have kids, you can't fight with that person, and you can't break up. Never have kids on your own. Never have kids. You can't. You can't have kids. You don't know."

And I'm flapped. I'm busy, the bar's busy, and he keeps calling me back over to say that same crap. "These people can't have kids."

And I'm saying things like "Well, that's one theory, but this is America, where anyone can do any fool thing they want." I'm getting glib, because I do want babies, and this guy thinks he's gonna tell me something.

"You can't. You don't know. Just... Just Stay Away From Babies!!!"

And I said the kind of stuff I haven't said since high school, like just totally dismissive, over-the-wall stuff like "Oh I worship the devil, I already stay away from babies." I wouldn't have even noticed it, but this guy was getting me really upset.

And there's a customer who is always really sharp and helpful and considerate and great, Al, and he goes "Hey, can you stop serving this guy? He's really bugging me."

Now I know that weirdo didn't say word one to Al. He didn't say a word to anyone else. He was there to chat up the bus-driver.

You know that guy? Who sits in the front seat of the bus so he can tell his sad life story to the poor beleaguered bus driver? Like "Hi stranger, let's be friends, and I'm gonna tell you about all my early childhood foster care experiences today, even though I don't know your first name." That guy? Yeah, he comes to my bar, too, and I'm the driver.

Al did that for me. He noticed the guy was bothering only me and nobody else. And he knew I could only kick the guy out if he was bothering a customer. Oh, Al. Sometimes I love my gay boys so much, my heart might burst.