[Greyson]

I just got home from more medical appointments. Recently I ran into an unexpected medical problem. In consultation with my doctors I decided I will no longer be taking Testosterone. This is most likely for the rest of my life. I can live with that. I am now legally a male and in my heart of hearts I know for me, I am not the same as a cisgender man.

For the past 5 or 6 years I have contemplated and researched vast amounts of information on Gender Reassignment, Gender Expression, Feminism, Misogyny, Internalized Misogyny, Internalized Homophobia, Internalize Fatphoia, Internalized Racism, Spirituality and what does that look like for me and in humanity.

What I have learned is that I am not all that different from any other human being. I am no longer living in constant fear, separation from "others" and self absorbed living, thinking I am there for others.

Why am I writing this in the Trans Zone? Well because I am Trans and am learning to come to peace with who I really am, a third gender. So many times during all of this medical stuff, I am being referred to as "she." Why does it rattle me so? Before going through gender reassignment I was called sir with regularity. i was also born a cisgender female. My gender expression has always been considered masculine. But here is the caveat to "mascilinity".... Masculinity does not only express in cisgender men, masculine identified cisgender females, Butches and Transmen.

After I had a two hour discussion today with an RN preparing me for surgery next week, she asked me if there is anything she can do to help make this upcoming surgery and hospitalization less stressful. I replied, "Yes."

I then proceeded to ask about the hospital's Diversity Training and if the training included education on LGBTQ concerns. She said she has been at this hospital for 18 years and has never had any diversity training that included LGBTQ concerns. (Keep in mind this is a hospital and Trauma Center in the SF Bay Area.) The nurse was very receptive to our discussion and promised me she is going to bring this to the attention of her superiors. I know there are consultants in our community that offer sensitivity training regarding our LGBTQ concerns.

I have kind of been all over the map in this post. Thank you for listening.