[yotlyolqualli]

Last spring I ended a 5.5 year relationship with a woman I was truly in love with, at one time. I entered into that relationship fully believing that loving someone was a CHOICE not something that just occurred. I still believe that to some extent. However, if the love is not mutual, if one feels more or deeper than the other, it has great potential to eventually blow up in your face.

The ending of the relationship was somewhat anti-climatic. Two years of couples and individual therapy (which only works if you are honest with the therapist) culminated in a very private and emotionally devastating revelation inside of me. However, that devastating revelation was what was the impetus for me saying, "I can't do this anymore. I think we'll be better off as friends."

She wasn't happy to hear that of course, who would be? However, we tried to maintain that friendship but only kept hurting each other. Finally I cut off all ties with her. She respected that and abided by that. However, I was not only with HER for 5.5 years, I was also a part of her family. Her Aunt was constantly wanting to see me. I was always getting invitations to family functions. I politely declined most invitations, but her Aunt was somewhat persistent, to say the least. So, on occasion, my ex and I were "thrown" together. Slowly, we started to rebuild a friendship with very very clear cut lines, drawn by me. Friendship was all I would ever be offering her again. Period.

Then the flirting started. The compliments, the innuendo's, the sexual suggestions... harmless flirting she claimed. So I took it as that and brushed it off, NEVER flirting back. Ever. Things still progressed. I was pleased, she had been my best friend before we had ever become romantically involved. The loss of that friendship had hurt worse than the ending of the romantic relationship.

It was in Feb, after I had stayed at her house and took care of her pets while she visited her folks in Florida for 3 weeks, that things started getting a little hinky. Now, as I said, we had had several conversations about us, what happened and what lines were drawn and were to never be crossed. So, after picking her up at the airport, I spent the next 4 hours on the drive home, deflecting her offers of sex. No flirting. No innuendo's. Just blatant demands and or plea's for sex. Luckily, for her, my sleeping godson in the car seat in the back, kept me from simply stopping the car and getting out. I was pissed. I told her so. She eventually apologized and I accepted the apology, and we moved on.

About 4 weeks ago, she got devastating news. I was hurt as well. Her mother, who I adore, was diagnosed with stage four cancer. She has a cancerous tumor in her throat, one in her lung and had one in her brain. (They removed it upon finding it) Last Thursday she started chemotherapy. On that day, since her mother is in Florida, and we are here in PA, Jane needed to go out, get her mind off of things, so I agreed to go out for drinks with her. It was fun, at first. We talked, shot pool (I suck at that BTW lol) but we were having a really nice time. It was good to be with a friend!

However, as the night progressed... let's just say that deflecting demands for sex from a sober Jane, is a whole heck of a lot easier than deflecting demands for sex from a drunk Jane. I was angry and more than that, I was hurt! I had never given her any indication that I was into casual sex and had also, several times, clearly drawn boundaries that she kept repeatedly stepping over... which is exactly how our relationship went as well.

So, now I am in a quandry. She apologized, of course and this time I told her in no uncertain terms that if this behavior doesn't stop that our friendship can not and will not be. My quandry is this, is the friendship worth saving at the cost of having to fend off her advances at every turn?

It's been weighing heavily on my mind.