i am femme. And i hate whatever i have tried to prefix to that in the past to let people know that i don't do my nails and i prefer wearing berkenstocks. Andro femme, tomboy femme, hippy femme. They all evoke looks of sympathy from people that make me then want to throttle them.
i am femme. End of conversation. But i am not any kind of stereotype. Up until i made a big career change that took all my time, i spent much of my time hanging out in bars listening to altcountry music -- a genre followed by middle aged white men. Most of my closest friends over the years have been men, and most of them straight. i was kind of one of those High Fidelity geeks except i didn't make lists and have a terrible memory.
i have always disliked the statement that so many femmes put out as if to confound stereotypes -- the i use power tools in my stilletos one. i do not touch power tools, and i have never owned a pair of stilettos. i don't do a lot of traditionally femme things, mostly because those things bore me. i'd rather be reading.
i may not collect shoes, but i also don't like sports. Although i used to hang out with guys all the time, when it was time for me to go home, they walked me to the car and carried my things.
i am happy to be a woman and a femme. i do not love all that woman and femme mean in our culture. Some of it i don't love just because it's not me. Some of it because it's sexist and reactionary.
Re D/s, i am a submissive. i love it. Most people who know me outside of leather would be surprised to hear it. i am a high school teacher. Mostly kids behave in my class because we have a relationship, but if they don't, it's not a problem. i can take care of it.
Re sex, i have been with stone butches and had perfectly satisfying relationships, but i am so not a stone femme. i love to fuck women. i am good at it. i don't strap. i am an old dyke. i am good with my hands.
i proudly ID as a bottom. i do not know how to use toys. Very little bores me more than long conversations about toys -- though i do take note of which ones i like used on me. But, like many masochists, i am also turned on by sadism, and i have made quite a few folks happy just using my hands and my teeth. Actually i had an old paddle i loved, but i lost it at some point.
i am femme, but i also date femmes. i am in service to a butch-femme couple now. i have served femmes before. i love it. However, i do not love the "ewww" that i have heard in my community when i have said that out loud in the past.
i like butches, but not all butches and not everything about butches. Some butches take my breath away. i love them for all the same reasons most femmes do. But i am not as big of a fan of the swagger as most femmes are. i prefer quiet confidence.
i also do not think that because i am a queer femme that i have anything over straight women or andro dykes. i am who i am. It's awesome. They are who they are. Awesome too. i have no interest in defining myself in a way that denigrates other women. i love women. i am femme.
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