[suebee]

Originally Posted by D-Money

for you, Gin, this is truer than true! always has been

but it doesn't always work that way for all people ... people look at me in my feminine trappings, they may know that i am with a butch, and assume i am femme.

and they would be wrong.

i hear "of course you're femme! just look at you!"

grr ...

if i must be labeled, i already have one built in: donna

Hello Donna! I'm Sue

Originally Posted by Words

I think it goes even further than that. I would say, for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to not only who you fuck, but how you fuck.

For example, I'm a femme submissive. The assumption being - as far as many are concerned - that I'm some kind of pillow princess unable to adopt anything but a totally passive role in bed. Which of course, is absolute bullshit because as a submissive, my desire is to please, not to be pleased, including sexually. So although my Top definitely calls the shots, if you will, in bed, as elsewhere, if pleasing Hym requires my pretending to be a big, bad leather daddy and fucking Hym senseless until Hy begs for mercy (which it doesn't, but hey, it could), then that is what I will do.

Pillow princess? I don't think so. Not that I have anything against those who do ID that way but do you see where I'm coming from?

Words

I dunno Words. Ever since I saw those pictures of you in butch shorts...... Jus' sayin'!

Originally Posted by D-Money

'femme' doesn't box me in ... it just doesn't fit. it's not who i am.

This resonates with me. First off, since I spent twenty years living in French, the word "femme" just means "woman" to me. My gender, but not my sexual identity. But beyond that, it just doesn't seem to fit. If ever I come up with a descriptor I'm comfortable with, I'll use it. But really the point is that I simply don't feel the need to. Believe me, it would have been easier many, many times to simply say I was femme. But if you can't be true to yourself in describing your identity........ well?

I've been asked to justify my presence in the b-f community. I'm attracted to masculine women. Other than that, should I need to justify my presence? (and obviously I'm not talking about THIS site!)

Sue