[Hollylane]

Originally Posted by Mr. Moon

Just when you think you're doing so well.....

This was the first anniversary of Taylor's passing....and I tried my best to ignore that fact and thought if I didn't think about it, it would pass....

Work drama from my total dysfunctional asshat boss was the biggest it could have been this week......everyone was anxious.

I came home anxious and even my new beautiful boy rescue, Foster Grant (almost 2 years old) could feel the anxiety. I kept trying. I remained calm and had a pretty decent day today, even with the continued work drama.

I came home early, and realized I had given Foster a bath and he needed more brushing to take care of his shedding...I knew I had brushes that I hadn't removed that were used with baby Taylor Dane....I used one before with Mr. Foster..so I thought I'd clean the other of her hair, zip lock it in a baggie......

Am I stupid??? I lost it, big time! OMG...it had been so long since that stabbing grief had hit my heart like that. Holy crap.

I'm just sitting now...figured posting and letting this out might help. Foster Grant curled up and let me cry.....kissed my tears.....Love HIM! but I still feel like my heart has been ripped apart.

It takes sooo long.....

I hope you all are doing well.

-Moonie

When my best friend, Count Basie, passed, about 5 years ago, I snipped a little clump of hair from behind his ears (a silky soft spot, where I rubbed him to his heart's content). I wanted a paw print, and I couldn't find anything other than a tube of lipstick, so I rubbed it all over one of those big clodhopper feet, and pressed his lipsticked pad against a piece of cardstock paper. When I finally let them take him from me (I had a vet come to the house, so that he could pass in the comfort of home), I had them make a clay disk with his paw print in it, before his cremation. I also purchased a local artist's urn, and it is truly beautiful. I had another local artist create a stone plaque, with his image airbrushed onto it. I still have his photo as the background of both my work and home computers. I have a special box with his jingly tag filled caller, the snipped hair, his paw prints, and his favorite toy, that I get out once in awhile.

So, no. You are not being stupid. I will never forget my Basie Boy, and at times I still find myself feeling that utter and complete sense of loss.