Well, the time has come when I MUST tackle the weight loss goal with sincerity. I saw a weight loss doc last Monday and she has informed me that she feels the BPD/DS surgery is the best choice for me although the ultimate decision must be made by me. I have gained and lost over the years but each time increasing until at my current weight. Most people don't have to hit the bottom of the barrel with their weight issues, but for me it had to be all the way to the bottom. Soooo...over the last week I have read the entire folder of information they gave to me, began keeping a daily log of intake and exercise (honestly the exercise must be seated because it has gotten that bad for me). I say that in shame, but know there is still hope to improve or I would not even be posting here. I also bought 3 books from OA and have started a daily journal of my thoughts and emotions about my journey. I figure it can definitely help me to get both feet up on the wagon and be willing to make this work.
For some reason in past attempts when trying to lose this excess weight, I would get off say 30 to 60 pounds and all of a sudden I would feel like I were starving or something would happen in my life and I can honestly say I made a mental choice to throw it away. I really want it to be different this time. I really want this monkey off of my back so hope to gain support here as well as who I have in my real life with the support groups and docs, etc...
The foreword of the OA text had a statement that hit me today. It stated "I feel that eating binges are often displaced temper tantrums or rage reactions." How many times when I go for food is it because of something I am feeling emotionally that I dislike?? This also ties in with a quote from a friend of mine that I met on Facebook. A while back she posted "Life is a feast - do not feed your appetite; choose your hunger." To me this has great meaning. Life has so much to offer and instead of compulsively overeating think of the long term. The real hunger is for life...to live fully again. Therefore, each time when encountering food it is possible for me to think of my ultimate goal which is life and doing the things that I can no longer do instead of feeding to relieve the emotional discomfort I am experiencing.
I don't know if this resonates with anyone else, but I have found for today those have been some of my thoughts about my current journey....AND I feel like I have just rambled incessantly and really said not much of anything. LOL!!
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