I don't need a "label" iether, 99% of the time I don't need to use the term femme either. But words are handy to communicate. I see you use the OFOS "label" and "femme" so you must understand some value to the descriptors. I'm not OFOS so to me personally it's a useless label and don't understand the point in defining that way -
because I personally don't need to use it when communicating with someone about preferences.
However, I have particular preferences in the bedroom, therefore I
do need words to describe those preferences.
I used have this argument with one of my exes who does not ID as anything. Just dyke. I personally see her as a butch. And probably one of the most old fashioned I've ever been with. She doesn't like "labels" but she uses them all the time: step mom, sister, woman and dyke. All labels. It's just labels that mean something to her. She used to take the piss out of me for using femme (good naturedly). I finally told her that it's all well and good when it's easy to say "I'm attracted to girly girls" and just go with that, but when your attractions aren't common and the way you express yourself sexually is not 'normative' (You don't care what kind of sex you have, it's all good to you and you don't have fetishes or have strong preferences) then you need words to be able to describe them. It's very hard to order a chocolate milkshake if you can't use the words chocolate or milkshake. Whereas if you don't care what you get you can walk up to a counter and say 'food please' and it all works for you."
She said "oh. good point."
Because I have a different definition of butch than lots of people... for me butch is just someone who has a preference for boys or masculine clothes and has a cock even just some of the time. And that's it. nothing else. If I'm talking about those I find most attractive, they are cheeky, don't take life too seriously, dress casual-dapper mostly. lots of tats. smudgy black eyeliner and like to try new things. And a kinky fucker. but that's just personal. Notice the words "cheeky" (personality trait label), casual-dapper (dress sense label) and Kinky (sexual genera label).
I prefer certain sexual dynamics and rough sex. I have words that would describe that short hand. these are useful as a launch point to start conversations when they are in context with others, but I don't walk around saying "I'm a sadistic switchy submissive fuck doll" as an introduction. I very even rarely use the word "femme". But on line we can't interact the way we do in person and looking for others on line... it's usually where people whip out the short hand. That's why you'll see it so much in a forum for people who fall under those categories. outside this arena, I almost never use those terms. I talk about what movie I watched last and what grades I got on my finals and swapping stories and having a laugh.
the online stuff doesn't really reflect my in the flesh life.
